Exit Stage Left

I'm not a crier. I cry when I'm super-excited and when I'm super-frustrated, but I'm so rarely sad or upset I don't really cry as a result of those emotions. A good commercial can choke me up, but it's never enough to induce water works and while I distinctly remember bawling like a baby when I saw "My Girl" I was only 13 so that doesn't really count. So, you can only imagine how odd it is--and how bad I must've felt--that I locked myself in my office at 10:30 this morning and just cried. I cried uncontrollably for most of the day and when I wasn't crying uncontrollably I was using all my might to keep myself from crying uncontrollably. I left to use the bathroom but made no small talk, I heated up my lunch, but refused to make eye contact with anyone and felt slightly reclusive as I pushed my door shut time after time. After six hours of virtually non-stop crying I had a wicked headache and felt and looked pretty much like shit, so even though I didn't feel like being social, when a friend and colleague e-mailed and suggested we play hooky and go to a movie I jumped at the chance and felt not the slightest amount of guilt for leaving early.

Despite my blurred vision, thumping head and foul demeanor I got so much done today I'm rethinking my normal, average, behavior in favor of being whiny, distant and overtly negative. Oh, wait...is that really rethinking my normal behavior? Well then, maybe tomorrow will just be average. In that case, I better remember my Kleenex.

kar·ma
pronunciation: 'kär-m& also 'k&r-
function: noun
etymology: Sanskrit karma fate, work
1. the force generated by a person's actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person's next existence.

Reasons I know it exists:

Example #1: I truly believe that this is his punishment for CATS.

Example #2: Sally, the protagonist mentioned in this story, is no longer employed by the DCPA and I am free to walk through the hall without fear of being ogled.

I feel very vindicated today. Life is good.

I wrote an entire blog post from my fancy cell phone whilst sitting in the nose-bleed section of the Lyceum theatre on Saturday night and when I hit "publish" the phone froze and I lost it. I was so proud to have finally taken full advantage of my smart phone and was completely crushed when it didn't work they way I'd hoped it would. The good news for you guys is that I will not try to recreate said post here... it just wouldn't be the same.

Last night my dear friend Jen's youngest brother was killed in a motorcycle accident. I found out this morning and haven't stopped thinking about it since. Jen is from a pretty tight-knit family and while she and her brother were very different people they were close. In fact, Jen was very mother-like to him-- I can not begin to imagine how she must feel. When I finally talked to her this afternoon she sounded completely normal, like nothing was wrong, like nothing had happened. She said she felt like she was in a dream and that she was all business, trying to get everything taken care of and wrapped up, as she always does. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow and am feeling almost guilty that I'm not going to be here for her over the weekend. Not that there's really anything I can do, or that she'd let me if there were. Please keep Jen and her family in your thoughts.