Thursday, May 17, 2007
AWWWWWKKKKKWARD!
Okay, so I'm a pretty open-minded girl and while I might be slightly high-strung and tend to take some things too seriously, in general I have a very good sense of humor and am pretty good at laughing at myself, which I mention only as a preface to the following story, which might make all things mentioned above seem contrary.
A couple/three weeks ago a new woman began work in the accounting department, which happens to be housed on the same floor as my department. This woman, I'll call her... Sally, is super-nice and I really like her, we've gotten to be friends, but only in the work sense, it's not like I'd call her up on a Saturday afternoon and ask her to catch a movie or anything, just chat it up at the water cooler, or the kitchen sink.
The past few days she's been acting a little more chummy: like asking me if I want to go to the Roller Derby (um, not happening) or if I could use an old lawn mower that she has sitting in her yard after I told her I didn't have one (no, thanks!). Slightly strange, but we're a friendly bunch at the DCPA, so I tried not to think much of it.
Today I was sitting at my desk minding my own business and something happened that has rocked me to the very core. Here is a verbatim regurgitation of a conversation I had with Sally.
Setting: A late morning in mid-May. Me, in my office, sitting quietly at my desk doing my work.
Sally enters. "Hey, Miss Molly are you busy?"
"Well, shy isn't really a word in my vocabulary, so..." At this point I knew what was coming, all the events of the past week came racing to the forefront of my mind so I tucked in my chin and thought "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." over and over again in my head while trying to come up with something to say--"...do you date boys or girls?"
As she left my office, I instantly regretted saying that. It could be construed as leading her on. Couldn't it? And I am most certainly never going to go to lunch with her, one on one.
Honestly the entire situation really is flattering, I meant it when I said that, but it's also extraordinarily embarassing and slightly disconcerting. What bothers me is not the fact that she asked (though that is odd, and I'll get to that in a minute), but the fact that on some level I could be giving off a gay vibe, which might possibly explain why I'm still single. I asked no less than ten people, including the two straight guys I work with (yes, there are two), if they thought I give off such a vibe, and they both said that I don't, but I still can't stop thinking about it.
Secondly, beyond the embarassment, beyond the confusion about the vibe is the fact that she asked. I tried to put myself in the position of what I believe I would have done had it been a guy in the same position who asked me out and came to the conclusion that I also would've said "no" though for different reasons. First and foremost, dating someone with whom one works in close proximity is not the smartest thing and secondly, Sally is a good 15 years older than me, which is bothersome on a completely different level.
And finally, beyond the embarassment and the over-analyzing is the fact that I now feel completely uncomfortable in my work environment. After today's "incident"I avoided walking by Sally's desk (difficult since she's out in the open and not in an office) and found myself alone in the women's restroom with her at one point--can you say "awkward?" I'm trying to act as though I'm unaffected, because I don't want her to feel bad, but at the same time, I AM affected and I AM bothered by it and I DO feel uncomfortable and well... that counts for something. It is not okay.
The good part in all of this is that I am laughing about it and it made an otherwise boring Thursday more exciting and perhaps most importantly, for once, for once, I had some good dating gossip--even if it was of the wrong variety.
A couple/three weeks ago a new woman began work in the accounting department, which happens to be housed on the same floor as my department. This woman, I'll call her... Sally, is super-nice and I really like her, we've gotten to be friends, but only in the work sense, it's not like I'd call her up on a Saturday afternoon and ask her to catch a movie or anything, just chat it up at the water cooler, or the kitchen sink.
The past few days she's been acting a little more chummy: like asking me if I want to go to the Roller Derby (um, not happening) or if I could use an old lawn mower that she has sitting in her yard after I told her I didn't have one (no, thanks!). Slightly strange, but we're a friendly bunch at the DCPA, so I tried not to think much of it.
Today I was sitting at my desk minding my own business and something happened that has rocked me to the very core. Here is a verbatim regurgitation of a conversation I had with Sally.
Setting: A late morning in mid-May. Me, in my office, sitting quietly at my desk doing my work.
Sally enters. "Hey, Miss Molly are you busy?"
"Oh, Sally, I'm always busy, what's up?" I responded barely looking up from what I was doing.
"Well, shy isn't really a word in my vocabulary, so..." At this point I knew what was coming, all the events of the past week came racing to the forefront of my mind so I tucked in my chin and thought "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." over and over again in my head while trying to come up with something to say--"...do you date boys or girls?"
"Boys." I said very quickly, whilst shuffling paper and avoiding eye contact.
"Oh, okay... " she said in a wounded puppy dog voice, "well, it's hard to tell around here. I was going to ask if you wanted to go to lunch..."
"Well, I'm very flattered and I have lunch plans already for today, but I could go to lunch with you sometime, I have friends who are boys and girls, I don't discriminate." I said, not wanting her to be embarassed, or to feel bad. "You're very nice to think of it."As she left my office, I instantly regretted saying that. It could be construed as leading her on. Couldn't it? And I am most certainly never going to go to lunch with her, one on one.
Honestly the entire situation really is flattering, I meant it when I said that, but it's also extraordinarily embarassing and slightly disconcerting. What bothers me is not the fact that she asked (though that is odd, and I'll get to that in a minute), but the fact that on some level I could be giving off a gay vibe, which might possibly explain why I'm still single. I asked no less than ten people, including the two straight guys I work with (yes, there are two), if they thought I give off such a vibe, and they both said that I don't, but I still can't stop thinking about it.
Secondly, beyond the embarassment, beyond the confusion about the vibe is the fact that she asked. I tried to put myself in the position of what I believe I would have done had it been a guy in the same position who asked me out and came to the conclusion that I also would've said "no" though for different reasons. First and foremost, dating someone with whom one works in close proximity is not the smartest thing and secondly, Sally is a good 15 years older than me, which is bothersome on a completely different level.
And finally, beyond the embarassment and the over-analyzing is the fact that I now feel completely uncomfortable in my work environment. After today's "incident"I avoided walking by Sally's desk (difficult since she's out in the open and not in an office) and found myself alone in the women's restroom with her at one point--can you say "awkward?" I'm trying to act as though I'm unaffected, because I don't want her to feel bad, but at the same time, I AM affected and I AM bothered by it and I DO feel uncomfortable and well... that counts for something. It is not okay.
The good part in all of this is that I am laughing about it and it made an otherwise boring Thursday more exciting and perhaps most importantly, for once, for once, I had some good dating gossip--even if it was of the wrong variety.
# posted by Molly @ 9:04 PM 
Comments:
<< Home
think about how she must feel. she outed herself and got rejected in one fell swoop. she was probably feeling awfully awkward in that bathroom too.
have a great weekend molly :)
have a great weekend molly :)
Trust me, Sean, she did not out herself--her out-ness was quite clear. And, she didn't really get rejected either, it's just that i don't swing that way.
That said, I know she felt/feels awkward and I'm trying to keep it from being weird, but... it is weird. I'll be over it soon. :)
You have a good weekend, too!
Post a Comment
That said, I know she felt/feels awkward and I'm trying to keep it from being weird, but... it is weird. I'll be over it soon. :)
You have a good weekend, too!
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
