Exit Stage Left

When I was 12 I used to sit around and name my unborn children. I had 11 of them - six girls and five boys - but only because that's how many names I could come up with that I liked. I had no concept of how ridiculously stupid it would be to have 11 children, nor did I consider that by the time I reached child bearing age (now) I might not be in the position to have kids, or even want them.

At some point while I was in high school I decided that I wasn't too sure I would have kids. It's not that I don't like kids and it's not that I don't want them, it's just that some people shouldn't have them and I thought (think?) I might be one of those people. I began to question my ability to be a good parent, deciding that perhaps I was meant to do other things, that my talents lie elsewhere. Having never been in a serious relationship - and certainly never one with someone whom I'd consider procreating - it was not until recently that I realized that in all my hesitation I never considered the fact that, ideally, when having children, it's not something I would be doing alone, that there would probably be someone else to share in the responsibility. Perhaps this is a clear example of how being the product of divorce at a very early age has affected me most: there is such a thing as a two parent household? All kids don't grow up with a single parent? What? How can that be? Seriously... I just figured this out less than a month ago when an old, gay, friend of mine asked me if I would consider having a baby with him.

My immediate reaction: no fucking way, you've got to be kidding me!! But then I started thinking about it... in five years, when I'm in my mid-30s (and inevitably still single) and there's someone else there to help out, maybe this isn't such a crazy idea. After all, Michael and I have been friends for 10 years, he's a good person (crazy, but good) would be a good father, is willing to move wherever I live to raise said child not to mention that having a baby with a gay man would probably freak my father out beyond belief. In fact, I think that alone might make the whole thing worthwhile.