Exit Stage Left

Today has maybe been my hardest day yet in my quitting smoking adventure, a true test. I spent most of the day cleaning my house, and I mean CLEANING. My normal cleaning ritual is that I clean one room, or finish one task and as a reward to myself I would smoke. I finish vacuuming, and then I smoke. I clean the bathroom and then I smoke. I mop the floors and then I smoke. You get the gist of it. Well, the patch helps a lot, but there are some cravings that you just have to work through on will power alone. Today I just kept praying that my neighbor would come home so I could bum just one.... thankfully she's still not home and I haven't gone begging, and therefore I haven't slipped up, I'm at six days and counting. Plus, I made it through an opening night party last night---that's gotta count for something.

Last week when I vowed to quit I made a list of the reasons why I should do so. I wrote them in my journal and then pulled out the pages so I could carry them around with me and remind myself whenever an urge hit me. Here's the top ten. Feel free to help me add to them, I'm going to need the encouragement.

1.) The Smell---UGH! I needn't explain it. My car smells, my hair smells, my breath smells... I smell. It's gross.

2.) Phlegm--the daily phlegm has truly gotten out of control. It's gross to hack up chunks of crap every morning--and to actually look forward to it so I feel better.

3.) Air--I've almost begun to wheeze because I can't breathe anymore. I look forward to the day I can walk up the stairs without being winded. Of course, the extra 30 pounds I'm carrying probably isn't helping, but I'll fix one vice at a time.

4.) Embarrassment--it's the year 2007, who the fuck smokes in the year 2007?!?! It's stupid and an insult to my intelligence.

5.) Andrew, Emily, Abby & Rebekah--they could be a reason each by themselves, but I'll lump them together. Set a good example, be a better aunt.

6.) Traveling--I can't wait until I can get on a flight without worrying about how my first cigarette will be lit when I land. I might actually be able to get on a flight to Australia or South Africa or China!

7.) New York!--Who are you kidding? You can't afford to live in New York as a smoker---you have to quit before you can even imagine you'd be able to live there.

8.) Money--smoking's expensive, yo! Quit now and buy a new car, or new shoes or finally get that Burberry handbag!

9.) Be stubborn--you're stubborn about everything else--why not be stubborn about this?!

10.) Be something people can be proud of. Be responsible.