Exit Stage Left

Lately I've been thinking a lot about myself. Not in an arrogant or pompous way, but in a more of a self-reflective, observational one. I've been thinking a lot about my life: where I am, where I'm going, how I'd like it to change, how I'd like it to stay the same; wondering if I'll get married, have kids, ever live in New York and what will happen with my career. I've been worrying about wrinkles and bags under my eyes, gray hair and even death. I'm worrying and wondering about things that I've rarely even considered before. It's not all-consuming, but it's definitely there, in the fore-front of my mind.

I recently found out that my best friend from seventh grade, my oldest friend in the world, had her first baby, a little girl. This is the tenth person I know who just this year has had a baby. There are babies everywhere. Somehow I managed to avoid the wedding phase of my life, but the baby phase is in full swing, as I've mentioned before. And, while I'm excited about the babies (truly, I am, despite my bitching about it), it's brought up the questions in my own "destiny" even more.

Today at work I mentioned this to a co-worker of mine who said, "how old are you?"
"28 in August" I replied.
"Do you believe in astrology?"
"No." I answered
Then she said, "well, I don't really either, but go back to your desk and look up 'Saturn Return.' It might help you."

Well, I didn't go back to my desk and look it up, I waited until I got home but I'll be damned if it doesn't make a ton of sense! And afterall, Saturn Return has a Wikipedia entry, so it has to be somewhat valid, right? According to the venerable online encyclopedia, Saturn Return is the astrological phenomenon that occurs in a person's life between the ages of 28 and 30. Saturn's revolution around the earth takes approximately 29 years, so at roughly ages 28-30 Saturn has "returned" to the location in which it was when said person was born; it has completed its cycle in the birth chart.

Saturn is symbolically linked with: "time, challenge, fear, doubt, confusion, difficulty, seriousness, heaviness, and hard lessons, among other more positive things such as structure, significance, accomplishment, reflection, power, prestige, maturity, and order." It's because of this that astrologers consider the 30th birthday a major rite of passage, and true entry into adulthood. Saturn Return is a time of endings and new beginnings; "the Saturn Return is every individual's search for the Holy Grail."

I want to stress that despite the fact that I'm a Birkenstock lover, I'm not a granola-eating hippie who lives and dies by the reading of Tarot cards and my daily horoscope. However, after some reading on the subject, I do think that this discovery could explain a lot of why I'm feeling the way I am right now.

Now, what worries me more than anything else? I've only been in this "phase" for two months, according to the calendar, and I have two years left?! Maybe ignorance is bliss.

p.s. I never thought I'd have to worry about footnotes or end notes in a blog post. Please check the links for proper attribution and identification of quotes and references.