Exit Stage Left

I have an issue with sweat. And, no, it's not from an obsession with working-out (do you know me?!). In the summer it's bad and when I'm nervous it's REALLY bad. I have pitted out more shirts than a construction worker paving an interstate in August, from the comfort of my air conditioned office. My left pit is particularly bad, I notice it almost immediately after getting dressed in the morning. Sweat. Reapplication of deodorant by noon has become a necessity. As has the frequent replenishment of white t-shirts; I can get about three days' worth of wear before the yellow pit stains are prominent enough that they become banished to the rag pile. Thank God for the 2 for $10 sales at Old Navy.

I've yet to find a deodorant that can stand-up to my sweaty, stinky, sticky arm pit situation. I'm constantly trying out the latest and greatest trends in anti-perspirant and they rarely live up to they hype. I've tried roll-ons, solids, gels and sprays. I even ventured over to the men's section, thinking that surely they'd do the trick. I was wrong. Not only do I always still feel like I smell after just a few hours and have ring around the armpit, but I get the deodorant goop build-up that is oh, so pleasant; particularly when wearing certain types of tops or dresses.

I recently came across a sample of the new Degree Ultra Clear that is "100% little black dress approved" and it seems to work better than most of the craptastic stuff I've come across recently so I bought a full-size and have been using it for about a week. Part of the claim to fame of this product is that it goes on clear and dries clear--no clumpy mess that leaves white residue on black clothes. A selling point for me, since I seem to have about three layers of the stuff on by the end of the day.

Last night I went to the opening night "gala" for Amadeus (yeah, I went by myself for those of you who are wondering). The attire was cocktail, perfect for the "little black dress." Alas, I don't have one that fits plus I still have a wicked bruise from where I hit the pavement in my "clicky" shoes a couple weeks ago, so I reinstated the reunion ensem: a black top with periwinkle polka dots and black slacks. The top has capped sleeves, which I love, because they offer coverage of my upper arms, which I despise, but don't make me look more matronlike than I already do. Anyhow, the point is this: I showered and got dressed around 4:00 was at the theatre by 5:30 and by the 6:30 curtain could already feel the sweat welling. I knew the goop had to be getting bad, so I fought the urge to fix my hair or wave to people across the lobby. I kept my arms at my side, waiting to get to the bathroom to sop up the mess and maybe even reapply.

At intermission, on my way to the bathrooms, I ran into a colleague in the lobby whom I haven't seen in awhile and put my arm around her in a playful hug. When I backed off, I noticed it. My "little black dress approved" deodorant is apparently "padded shoulder black suit jacket" DISapproved, because the goop wound up on the shoulder of my friend. I seemed to be the only one who noticed it or realized what it was, but it was quite possibly the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me....well, at least this week. Unless you count the retelling of the story on the Internet for public amusement. :/ Please keep it to yourself.