Exit Stage Left

I like to joke that I bear the burden of the Catholic guilt. And, while I'm usually joking about the Catholic part, I'm usually not joking about the guilt part. I always feel guilty. I feel guilty when I oversleep and someone beats me to the office, I feel guilty when I have to say "no" to someone, I feel guilty when I have to ask for help, I feel guilty when I glance at the caller ID and decide to let it ring to voicemail. There's nothing too big or too small to bring out my guilty conscience. This is not to say that I actually am guilty of anything. I'm far from perfect, but I try really hard to be a good person and do good things. I am not a liar or a cheat, I'm not impolite or arrogant, I'm not irresponsible or ill-behaved, I'm not capricious or fanatical. I'm just a plain ol' average girl, with a terribly guilty conscience.

Recently I've been stricken with a kind of guilt with which I'm finding it very difficult to deal. Aside from being incredibly outspoken and stubborn, I know in my heart that I've done absolutely nothing wrong. I know that I'm justified and that whatever the outcome is--be it positive or negative--I deserve it. Of course, as you might guess, I'm thinking that the outcome is going to be positive, because why would I feel guilty if something bad was happening to me? And not affecting anyone else in the least? But, maybe that's from whence the guilt stems: maybe I hurt (or am hurting) someone else-- without meaning to do so--and the result is a purely selfish gain? Could that be it? Or perhaps more likely it's just that good Catholic girl popping in to remind me that she's still here.