Exit Stage Left

No, I'm not talking about "weed" and I'm not talking about "Weeds"--the brilliantly hilarious television show---I'm talking about those pesky green things that grow in your yard.

A little background: I moved into my mom's row house about 8 months ago, it comes complete with a tiny front yard and a back patio with flower beds as a trim, which, of course, I have no use for. I've never really been an outdoorsy person. It's not because I'm girly or a wimp, I just don't like it that much. I've always been more of a couch potato than the one growing the potatos, if you get my drift. So, anyway, since I moved into this house I have had a hard time adjusting to having a yard, even if mine is mostly bark chips and flagstone. The bane of my existence has become the various varieties of weeds that grow up in between the cracks in the flagstone, through the liner in my beautiful new bark lined "yard' and most particularly, the weeds that grow to be as tall as I am on the parking strip lining my side of the street.

The worst part of the weeds is that I don't even notice them. Sometimes I think to myself, "gosh, I haven't pulled weeds in awhile, there've got to be some comin' up" and invariably I'll look outside and nope, I don't see any weeds. Except they're really there, I just look past them, it's like I'm in denial about the weeds.

Tonight I was sitting here at my computer looking out the front door, enjoying the cool breeze produced from an imminent thunderstorm and something green caught my eye. Weeds. Dozens (hundreds?) of them. Coming out of every crack in the concrete, flagstone, coming up around my newly landscaped "yard." They were taking over. I had to get out there and pull them, thunderstorm, or not.

I went to the back yard to get the gloves and gardening shears out of the shed. I opened the door to the shed and I kid you not, folks, there was a weed who had grown up the door of the shed and blossomed out the top. This weed was at least 8 feet long...and I'm not exaggerating. I debated about taking a picture, but that seemed like a lot of work, and, after all, I had weeds to pull. I made it back to the front of the house and began pulling. Once I was out there and pulling, I swear there were weeds everywhere. My neighbors must be embarassed to live next to me "the girl who has weeds covering her yard" and, the worst part: I don't even notice them. When I finally got down to the weeds that were growing (probably still are) on the parking strip they were so entangled that I couldn't even figure out where they were coming from and once I did find the "root" of the problem I couldn't even cut through the stalks with the shears, let alone pull them.

An hour later I've successfully de-weeded the yard, managed to do so without injuring myself and I think I actually got all the weeds and didn't look through them, or over them. Now that the yard is weed-free and beautifully manicured I just simply don't understand how I can overlook the growth of green. Clearly I need someone to intervene, so, people, if you happen to drive by and see that the yard is looking a little green, please let me know. I clearly need help.