Exit Stage Left

WB

2009-07-31T22:35:00.002-06:00

Has it really been 18 month since I've written? I mean, really? Ugh. I'm a bad blogger. Sorry. No really. I am. Sorry.

In the past week, two of my once-loyal readers have reminded me that I used to write on a somewhat regular basis about my simple life climbing the ladder at work and in my simple life with my two cats. And I had "once loyal readers." And now, I actually have more interesting things to write about. Like the fact that I bought a house, got a neurotic dog and am getting married this fall and yet still...no blog. So, Kyra and Tara, this is for you. I promise to make an effort to post on a more regular basis about all the goings-on in wedding planning land and ticket selling land and homeowner-ship land, etc.

So, stay tuned. More to come. Soon.

Hillary: Part One

2008-02-12T23:00:00.000-07:00

I have long been a political fanatic. It all started during the '88 election: the year I realized that I was among the minority in my at-the-time-home state of Nevada by being a *gasp* Democrat and proudly announced to my fifth grade class that I may very well become the first woman President of the United States. At the time I was 25 years from even being legally eligible to hold the highest office in the land and thankfully I didn't even know how ridiculous it sounded that we would have to wait a quarter of a century to have a woman President. What an absolutely asinine concept. After all, Great Britain had a female Prime Minister in 1979; surely the citizens of the U.S. would come to their senses sooner than the election of 2016--when I'll be 38 and therefore legally eligible to run for President...if I so choose--or would they? Apparently I was wrong.

When Bill Clinton was elected to office in '92 I was an instant Clinton-atic. I couldn't get enough of his charisma, his charm and his wit. I couldn't get enough of her insatiable desire to be a different kind of a First Lady. Unfortunately the rest of the country wasn't ready to have a ball buster as the President's wife and her agenda turned quickly from health care and being a "voice for children" to that of a ceremonial figure meaning Easter egg hunts and lighting of Christmas Trees. "Women should be seen and not heard" apparently, and we're getting closer to 2016 all the while.

Three years ago in April I was visiting my friend, Heather, in Washington, D.C. and she had a bumper sticker hanging above her desk that said: Hillary '08: A Woman's Place is in the House...the White House." I almost stole that bumper sticker right off the cork board on which it hung and apparently Heather sensed my coveting because no more than two weeks later my own bumper sticker arrived in the mail. It was immediately placed in the back window of my car right beneath my "University of the Pacific" banner decal and there it has hung for three solid years. Rain and 100 plus degree days and at least two bona fide blizzards and that bumper sticker has held on...both before and after Hillary's official declaration of her candidacy. I like to think of it as an omen; a small representation of just what Hillary has to offer.

I've never been one to shy away from a sensitive social topic, so my next post will focus on the non-emotional reasons why I caucused for and will, if given the opportunity, vote for Hillary.

Back

2008-02-07T20:43:00.000-07:00

Hello loyal "readers." This is a quick post to say that I'm back... I think. I have realized just how much I have to say and just how much I've missed blogging, so I'm going to make a concerted effort to do more of it. Stay tuned.

Sign

2007-11-11T19:31:00.000-07:00

Because I was sick when I got home from Nicaragua I wasn't able to take my second trip to see my mom in Reno. She's been wanting me to come out for awhile, as I've only been once in the two years that she's been there. I actually had this entire weekend off from work, and Christopher was quite busy with some volunteer work so I decided that I could afford to fork over the $55 for the round-trip ticket, once again afforded to me by my buddies Mike and Mary.

On Friday afternoon I hauled myself to the pass bureau to buy my plane tickets. When you go they give you three of the old-school tickets that you might remember from being hauled back and forth from your divorced parents when you were a small child. Oh, wait...that was just MY childhood. Anyhow...you get one ticket for each leg of the trip and then a receipt that details your purchase. I mention this, because this will become an important part of the story in a minute. Anyway, moving on.

By the time I left work on Friday I was sort of having second thoughts about the trip. I was to fly to Sacramento, rent a car and then drive over the mountains to get to mom's all after working a full week of work and not arriving until 11:15pm. I was already tired, and sort of had a bad feeling about it. But, I went to Chipotle, finished packing and headed out to the airport, regardless. Flying on Frontier at night is easy because they have so few flights. There was no line when I approached the check-in counter and was sent to an agent "to the left." She was nice enough--a somewhat rare occurrence when you're a non-revenue passenger--and checked me in pretty quickly. When all was said and done she handed me my boarding pass, sans ticket. Now, I've been flying standby courtesy of Mike's airline employment for more than two years now, I pretty much get the drill and I know that my ticket needs to be stapled to my boarding pass. I asked the agent about that and she said, "no, I keep that here." In fairness to me, Frontier did just implement a new system for listing on flights, etc. so I thought that maybe this was all part of it. But I digress.

When all was said and done I had made it through check-in and security in literally eight minutes. I headed out to the concourse with more than an hour to kill and wandered around people watching and perfecting my texting-while-walking skills. About 8:40 I finally headed to the gate and handed my boarding pass to the gate agent and sat down to wait for my seat assignment. Less than a minute later the gate agent called me back to the podium and wanted to know where my ticket was. I told her that the ticket agent who checked me in had kept it and she said, "well, they shouldn't have done that." Great. "Well, should I go back up there? Can I call someone?" She called the ticket counter and the supervisor said that they'd look for it. I sat down and about five minutes later was called back up to the podium, "Um, yeah.." in her best Bill Lumbergh impersonation, "they weren't able to find it. Do you mind running up there and finding the person you talked to?" No, bitch, I don't mind that at this point I'm supposed to actually be getting on the plane in 10 minutes and you want me to go back out to the terminal, find my lost ticket and get through security and back to the gate in less than 30 minutes. What choice do I have? I started huffing it back to the terminal.

I approached the counter and told the first person I found what had happened who pointed me towards the supervisor and another girl who were working on something together. Both were super-nice and helpful and started looking for my ticket. After I told them which kiosk I had checked in at and describing who it was who helped me they went into the back room. They emerged a few minutes later lost ticket in-hand. Phew. After receiving a brief, but stern lecture from the supervisor about how I should never give my ticket to the agent at the counter when I check-in and that I always need to make sure that my priority is accurate, blah, blah, blah. By this point it was about 9:15, my flight was leaving at 9:45, "could I please just have my ticket?!" She apologized, she didn't know that I was trying to catch a flight right at that moment.

I headed towards the main security line, which I never go through because I always fly out of the A concourse and take the walkway rather than the train. As I was walking down the escalator I began digging around to find my driver's license. I vaguely remembered it being in my back pocket, but now it wasn't there. I grabbed my wallet. No dice. I checked all remaining pockets and stopped to dig in my bag. I could not find my license anywhere. Now, how the hell am I supposed to get through airport security without my ID? Not to mention the fact that even if I did get to Sacramento, there was no way for me to rent a car. At this point my adrenaline rush was piquing. I grabbed my cell phone, sat down and while chuckling--because that's all I could think of to do--and dialed my mom. "I don't know if I'm going to make it." I briefly recounted the evening's events up to that point and told her about the latest debacle with my license. While I was talking, still quite not ready to give up, I began retracing my steps: up the escalator, down the hallway, back to the check-in counter, back to security (which was now closed for the evening) and no driver's license. Okay, it's was 9:25. I clearly wasn't going to make it. Defeated, I sat down and called my mom and told her that this wasn't going to happen. I give up. She was disappointed, but understanding. If the ticket debacle wasn't enough of a sign, the losing of the driver's license was. I was not meant to go on the trip.

I went down to baggage claim to wait for my bag to return to me, played a million games of bubble breaker and salivated over the glass of wine that was waiting for me at home. After 45 minutes my bag had not made an appearance. I filed a claim, rode the shuttle back to my car and called it a night. Even after all that, the main concern I was pondering as I trekked home was how I was ever to do my hair without my hairdryer!?

Rocktober

2007-10-28T11:17:00.000-06:00

In Denver being a sports fan is almost a prerequisite for residence and as such (or perhaps in spite of it) I consider myself a sports fan. I'm not a sports fanatic, and I don't pretend to know everything about everything, but I enjoy watching most spectator sports.

As you know, the Colorado Rockies won entrance into the World Series a couple of weeks ago after a remarkable winning streak. Everyone was calling their success "destiny," including me, but I also said all along that they weren't capable of winning it all. However, even my lack of illusion about the success of our homegrown team has not kept me from the hype about the Rockies. At the risk of sounding like a fair weather fan (which I don't consider myself to be), I have watched more baseball in the last month than I have in the last five years. I like baseball, I even enjoy watching it on TV unlike a lot of fans, but these last three games have been such heart-breakers that I can hardly stand the idea of watching tonight's game. I even considered skipping it in the hopes that it might make the difference to the Rox, but like most obsessions my current obsession with Rockies baseball is not to be cured at this late juncture. And, so, yet again and for the last time I will settle in for the evening with a wad of gum and clench my jaw as the Rox inevitably hand the Sox the Series--in Denver. I'm not sure what is more heart-breaking: the Rox losing in a sweep, or the fact that the Sox are winning it in the Mile High City; I just wish they'd waited 'til they got back home to take it away.

Calling

2007-10-27T11:33:00.001-06:00

I am proud to live in a country where I'm allowed--expected--to vote. I was more informed on candidates and issues at age 10 than my parents were, so when I turned 18 I was beyond excited to be able to cast my vote and I have never missed an election since.

With all the craziness surrounding the '08 Presidential election in addition to our own municipal election here in Denver next week my phone has been ringing off the hook. It only took my answering a call once, interrupting the caller by saying, "yes, I'm already voting yes on A-I, thanks for calling" *click* to know what to avoid in the future. The calls all show up on caller I.D. as coming from (000) 000-0000, which makes them fairly easy to ignore effectively.

While I was in Nicaragua--with no phone access--I came home to five voice mails all from candidates or campaigns. This morning I slept late (I'm on vacation okay?!) and while I was still sleeping, within 20 minutes of each other, I received five calls from that telling number, (000) 000-0000. I didn't bother to answer any of the calls because I've actually already filled out my absentee ballot for the municipal election next week, and I already know who I'm pulling for in the Democratic primary--I don't need to be sales pitched. But, I have to say that calling five times in such a short amount of time is quite brazen, in my opinion. I mean, that's the kind of thing that could actually reverse psychology on me, it could actually force me to vote against whatever they were pitching me on. That is, of course, if I weren't so stubborn in my political beliefs.

By the way, Denver residents: be sure to vote YES on Issues A-I on your ballot this year!

Random

2007-10-24T22:19:00.000-06:00

Random is the word to describe a lot about my life right now: randomly deciding to post on my blog. Randomly deciding when to work. Randomly choosing to go on a random vacation to a random country. Yes, random really is the most perfect adjective for my life.

While taking my random vacation (10 whole days off!) to a random country (Nicaragua) I got a not-so-random illness. No, I didn't drink the water, but I did manage to catch a nasty cold/flu/infection of some kind. And, of course, it happened on my first full day away from home. Being sick definitely put a damper on my trip, but the tropical depression that settled in over much of Central America and the rain that came along with it--the likes of which I've never seen before--took care of the rest. I was there visiting a good friend from college who has a beautiful house featuring all the comforts of home, including air conditioning, high speed Internet and cable TV so all was not lost, just somewhat washed away with the rain.

I can't really say that Nicaragua was on the top of my list of places to visit, but I can honestly say now that I'm SO glad I went and not just because the rum is the best I've ever tasted. The few pictures I managed to snap during the rain breaks are posted on my Flickr page, so check 'em out if you get a chance.

BLOG!

2007-09-10T23:59:00.000-06:00

I love to blog, I really do, though I realize that that may not be clear at the moment, since I've not posted since August 15. Since then much has happened: I turned 29, The Little Mermaid officially opened and then closed at a whopping **.**% of capacity (I can't reveal the real numbers--that would be professionally irresponsible of me) and I have officially left singledom behind and am in a real-life grown-up relationship. Part of the problem with blogging right now is that I'm being really girlie and 99.9% of the time that I'm not with the boy the only thing I'm thinking about is the boy which does not an interesting blog post make. You've all been twitterpated, you know what it's like and don't need to read this blog for the details. Additionally, I have decided that it's not really fair to the boy to write about him publicly and while theoretically, as Talia pointed out, I could just write about my feelings, etc. I still feel like it would be slightly inappropriate for me to do so.

All that aside, I do need to make a bigger effort to post on a regular basis and I will do that starting tonight. Thanks for continuing to check back and for reading, it's a lot more fun when you know you have fans. :)

Balls

2007-08-15T23:49:00.000-06:00

You may recall this post and this one from last September. While I was being quite vague about what was going on back then I think that nearly a year later I'm ready to 'fes up to what I did. Basically, I threw myself at a boy who paid a little too much attention to me at my high school reunion last year. I'm not generally the most forward girl when it comes to admitting my feelings in that department, so my sending a strongly worded, rather blunt e-mail on the subject was really quite bold, not to mention out of character. I kept asking myself, "will you regret doing it if you do it, or not doing it if you don't do it?" In the end I decided I would more regret not doing it than doing it. After all, what are the chances I would ever see this dude again anyway? Well...at least not until my 20 year reunion, of course. So I took the plunge and I don't regret it...not even now.

On Monday morning-bright and early-I boarded a flight to Seattle (details omitted for the time-being). I was, of course, later leaving the house than I'd planned, got caught in traffic on my way to the airport and arrived at my gate right at the end of the boarding process. While I was waiting in line, frantically text messaging everyone I know, I glanced to my right and could've sworn I saw the aforementioned guy with whom I went to high school with his head tossed back against the seat, snoring quietly while a dull, boring looking girl sat next to him. I did a double, followed quickly by a triple,-take clearly making the dull-looking girl uncomfortable. While I was on the jet way I could feel someone staring at me, could feel the eyes drilling into the back of my head, so I turned around. There he was. The high school boy. Staring right at me. As soon as I caught his eye he looked away, avoiding me. "Whatever," I thought, "I'm making this up. It's not him, there's no way, it's too weird." Like something you dream about happening, but never actually does. But, at the same time, I knew it was him... it was totally him.

When I got to my seat I whipped around as quickly as I could to see if I could figure out where he was sitting, but he had vanished into the sea of people on the plane. I figured I'd bolt off the plane and see if I could catch up with him when I got off the plane. I've known this kid for twelve years, we exchanged e-mails for weeks before the verbal diarrhea hit me and I decided to spill my guts to him, he should talk to me. This should not be a big deal. I'm over it, he should be too.

When the plane landed I had roughly an hour and a half to kill, so wandering around the airport looking for the dull, boring girl and the former high school crush was really no big deal, so I headed down to baggage claim area and spotted him instantly. I was not entirely comfortable walking up and saying "hi" so I mostly tried to make it obvious that I was there: pacing in front of the carousel where he was standing and the like. I was, of course, constantly engaged in something else going on, paying little attention to the people around me. In short: I was being slightly passive aggressive and a bit of a pansy. In the end, he never did say anything to me and suddenly he was no where to be found.

I don't know what it is about this boy that gives me such chutzpah, but shortly after his disappearing act I sent him a text message that said, "Were you really just ignoring me on that flight from Denver to Seattle?" I didn't ever get a response, which pretty much confirmed that it was him. Ultimately I don't really care, I just think it's funny that I have a bigger pair than he does.

Hunting

2007-08-11T22:52:00.000-06:00

I have an oddly shaped body and as such shopping can sometimes be a challenge. Whenever I need to buy a dress for an event (a couple times a year) it turns into an all-out hunting expedition. I look at department stores and specialty shops, boutiques and bridal stores and yet I rarely find anything worthwhile. Somehow I've always managed to make myself look fabulous for whatever event it is that I'm attending but it's not without a significant amount of sacrifice of time, talent and treasure. Of course, whenever a t-shirt and jeans girl puts on a dress people think she looks fabulous, so I'm not sure how much of a feat I've accomplished when it really comes down to it. But I digress...

In two weeks we will have the premiere gala for The Little Mermaid and being as I've worked my tail off (no pun intended) on this show I am really looking forward to going and just having a good time. However, as usual, the search for a dress had nearly put a damper on my excitement. For the past three weeks I've spent evening after evening, weekend after weekend hunting for the perfect dress. The only requirement was that I wanted color since I wore brown and black to the last two events, respectively. I've searched high and low, north, south, east and west; I have been to every mall in the metro area (except the Aurora mall and that doesn't really count now, does it?!) and found nothing of particular interest in my price range. In the past I've learned that just because I didn't find something at the Dillard's at Southwest Plaza mall doesn't mean that if I won't find something at the Dillard's at Flatiron's; not all department stores have the same selection, so it's definitely worth it to hit them all up in the hunt. The very first place I start the search is at Cherry Creek Shopping Center. I start at Macy's and work my way through stopping at Neiman Marcus and Saks just for the heck of it, even though one single sequin is out of my price range at either place. Even though I'd scoped out the selection at Macy's three weeks ago I stopped back in today as I was at the mall looking for a smart summer suit. I quickly glanced through the clearance rack and out popped possibly the most perfect dress ever...except it was one size too small. I felt my heart sink into my stomach as I fumbled through the rack praying there would be one in the correct size and within just a few seconds I had found it. It's totally fun and fits me like a glove. All I have to do is shorten the halter strap and find a really good bra and I should be good to go. I don't even think I'm going to get new shoes; I think I'll just wear the black patent leather peep toe pumps I wore to the last event--who's ever going to remember my shoes anyway?

One fabulous event, check. One fabulous dress, check. Now all I need is one fabulous date and hopefully I'll have that checked off the list by tomorrow. :)

Elusive

2007-07-31T02:26:00.001-06:00

I can't sleep tonight, I've been tossing and turning for hours and I finally just got up in an effort to do something productive. I have been WAY too lax in my posting of late, and I apologize. Ironically there is a TON of stuff happening in my life, but nothing about which I feel comfortable writing publicly...at least not right now. I generally have very little trouble sharing personal details about my life with total strangers, but right now the things about which I have to write are of a sensitive enough nature that, work-wise, I feel it best to keep it confined to private gossip, rather than public. I'm generally not very good at restraint which is part of the reason I've chosen to not blog at all, rather than to blog and risk something slip out.

I'm sure that the desire to share much of what's going on is partly what's to blame in my lack of sleeping, for it's surely not for lack of exhaustion. One of my close friends, Erika, and her husband Zeke are moving to San Francisco. I spent the day at their apartment helping them to finish up their packing and loading the truck. I drew the line at cleaning their place for them, but Lord knows they sure needed the help in that department. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they were still there, scrubbing the hard wood floors and wiping down the walls. Moving sucks. It just does.

On Thursday, my sister Jamie and my darling niece, Rebekah, will arrive for a short visit. On Friday, my Father, Step mom and little sister will arrive. I am preparing for a chaotic weekend, no doubt about it. I spent this past weekend cleaning my house from top to bottom. It was the kind of cleaning that every house needs every now and again, but we always feel to busy to actually achieve. My cleaning took nearly two days to complete, but now that it's done, I feel such a sense of accomplishment and I feel comfortable having company. Jamie and Rebekah will stay here and Jamie is probably the most anal-retentive person I know, hopefully I pass her test. One thing I know for sure, it could never be as bad as having to stay at my sister Joan's. Yikes! Clearly I have no problem at all talking about my family on my blog, why should I care about work?

Parenthood

2007-07-09T21:46:00.000-06:00

When I was 12 I used to sit around and name my unborn children. I had 11 of them - six girls and five boys - but only because that's how many names I could come up with that I liked. I had no concept of how ridiculously stupid it would be to have 11 children, nor did I consider that by the time I reached child bearing age (now) I might not be in the position to have kids, or even want them.

At some point while I was in high school I decided that I wasn't too sure I would have kids. It's not that I don't like kids and it's not that I don't want them, it's just that some people shouldn't have them and I thought (think?) I might be one of those people. I began to question my ability to be a good parent, deciding that perhaps I was meant to do other things, that my talents lie elsewhere. Having never been in a serious relationship - and certainly never one with someone whom I'd consider procreating - it was not until recently that I realized that in all my hesitation I never considered the fact that, ideally, when having children, it's not something I would be doing alone, that there would probably be someone else to share in the responsibility. Perhaps this is a clear example of how being the product of divorce at a very early age has affected me most: there is such a thing as a two parent household? All kids don't grow up with a single parent? What? How can that be? Seriously... I just figured this out less than a month ago when an old, gay, friend of mine asked me if I would consider having a baby with him.

My immediate reaction: no fucking way, you've got to be kidding me!! But then I started thinking about it... in five years, when I'm in my mid-30s (and inevitably still single) and there's someone else there to help out, maybe this isn't such a crazy idea. After all, Michael and I have been friends for 10 years, he's a good person (crazy, but good) would be a good father, is willing to move wherever I live to raise said child not to mention that having a baby with a gay man would probably freak my father out beyond belief. In fact, I think that alone might make the whole thing worthwhile.

Jumble

2007-07-09T00:49:00.000-06:00

I'm not really one to not be able to sleep. If given the opportunity I could sleep for 12 or 14 hours a night, I'm sure--no problem. So, when I don't feel sleepy, can't sleep or simply don't want to something's up. Such is the case tonight. After a relatively chill weekend I am feeling anxious about going back to work tomorrow and I feel a jumble of emotions, all mostly unidentifiable. It's like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but excited and hopeful all at the same time. It doesn't help that apparently when I changed the light bulbs on the front porch light earlier today I apparently didn't get the cover on tightly and it just fell off and broke on the sidewalk--I'm sure the sound of breaking glass was as comforting to my neighbors as it was to me. Idiot.

Every so often I go through a phase where I feel inferior to and jealous of everyone I know. This behavior is completely irrational and I know it, but that doesn't stop it from happening. It's also likely to be the reason I can't sleep tonight, despite the fact that I have to be up and out the door in just eight short hours. I thought it might be helpful if I wrote about what's bugging me, even if it is slightly more personal than I like to get on this blog.

Tonight I feel envious of everyone I know because everyone I know has something which I, myself, desire. These are people who live in houses I'll only dream of, in cities that are just out of my reach, they have children to love and spouses who worship them. They have central air conditioning and cars that don't cost them thousands of dollars to repair. They were never smokers and so don't have to deal with the inevitable weight gain that comes with quitting. They can afford to pay someone to clean their houses or are simply motivated enough to do it themselves so they don't live in filth. They don't do things that they never intended to do just to appear more adult-like. They don't pine after people who couldn't care less...well, you get the idea. Essentially, tonight (this morning?) I feel like my life's a waste, that I have nothing to offer and that I'm going nowhere...fast. You'd think that would provide the motivation to tuck myself into bed and never get up, but instead I am the opposite, but what else is new?

I realize that I'm being more negative than usual lately and I apologize for that. I'm using this blog-and you, my readers-as a sounding board, but because I don't want sympathy or pity I'm going to turn off comments on all posts which are self-loathing, martyr like or simply depressing, this one included.

Surreal

2007-07-04T21:46:00.000-06:00

I know it's lame-o, but being busy will once again have to suffice as my excuse for lacking in the posting department. I apologize. The exciting thing-at least for me-is that people have been asking me to post, which means they enjoy reading, which is encouraging on some level.

Moving on...

I know I promised a "full update" about my trip to the Tony Awards, but I will refrain from doing so, because surprisingly enough I don't have a lot to say about it. The entire experience was completely surreal, the kind of thing that even looking back on it I can't say that I believe it happened, even though I was there. It happened. Believe it. Because most people ask me, the "best" part was walking in the door and seeing the stage was utterly unbelievable and completely and totally surreal. Seeing the theatre-type "celebrities" was, of course, a lot of fun. I'd name-drop, but most of you who are reading this wouldn't know who I was talking about anyway-and Talia, you don't count. All in all my trip to the Big Apple was absolutely great, though I have to tell you: I don't plan on returning to the Tony's anytime soon. Don't get me wrong, I had a blast, but it's that kind of situation where I want it to be special and if I were to go again it would lose a certain amount of its luster, so the next time I go it will be as a nominee. :)

Cry

2007-06-26T23:05:00.000-06:00

I'm not a crier. I cry when I'm super-excited and when I'm super-frustrated, but I'm so rarely sad or upset I don't really cry as a result of those emotions. A good commercial can choke me up, but it's never enough to induce water works and while I distinctly remember bawling like a baby when I saw "My Girl" I was only 13 so that doesn't really count. So, you can only imagine how odd it is--and how bad I must've felt--that I locked myself in my office at 10:30 this morning and just cried. I cried uncontrollably for most of the day and when I wasn't crying uncontrollably I was using all my might to keep myself from crying uncontrollably. I left to use the bathroom but made no small talk, I heated up my lunch, but refused to make eye contact with anyone and felt slightly reclusive as I pushed my door shut time after time. After six hours of virtually non-stop crying I had a wicked headache and felt and looked pretty much like shit, so even though I didn't feel like being social, when a friend and colleague e-mailed and suggested we play hooky and go to a movie I jumped at the chance and felt not the slightest amount of guilt for leaving early.

Despite my blurred vision, thumping head and foul demeanor I got so much done today I'm rethinking my normal, average, behavior in favor of being whiny, distant and overtly negative. Oh, wait...is that really rethinking my normal behavior? Well then, maybe tomorrow will just be average. In that case, I better remember my Kleenex.

Karma

2007-06-14T18:03:00.000-06:00

kar·ma
pronunciation: 'kär-m& also 'k&r-
function: noun
etymology: Sanskrit karma fate, work
1. the force generated by a person's actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person's next existence.

Reasons I know it exists:

Example #1: I truly believe that this is his punishment for CATS.

Example #2: Sally, the protagonist mentioned in this story, is no longer employed by the DCPA and I am free to walk through the hall without fear of being ogled.

I feel very vindicated today. Life is good.

Disappointed

2007-06-14T18:00:00.000-06:00

I wrote an entire blog post from my fancy cell phone whilst sitting in the nose-bleed section of the Lyceum theatre on Saturday night and when I hit "publish" the phone froze and I lost it. I was so proud to have finally taken full advantage of my smart phone and was completely crushed when it didn't work they way I'd hoped it would. The good news for you guys is that I will not try to recreate said post here... it just wouldn't be the same.

Tragedy

2007-06-07T22:29:00.000-06:00

Last night my dear friend Jen's youngest brother was killed in a motorcycle accident. I found out this morning and haven't stopped thinking about it since. Jen is from a pretty tight-knit family and while she and her brother were very different people they were close. In fact, Jen was very mother-like to him-- I can not begin to imagine how she must feel. When I finally talked to her this afternoon she sounded completely normal, like nothing was wrong, like nothing had happened. She said she felt like she was in a dream and that she was all business, trying to get everything taken care of and wrapped up, as she always does. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow and am feeling almost guilty that I'm not going to be here for her over the weekend. Not that there's really anything I can do, or that she'd let me if there were. Please keep Jen and her family in your thoughts.

Pounds

2007-05-29T21:31:00.000-06:00

I quit smoking a little over 12 weeks ago; it's the hardest thing I've ever done and while I'm technically still at risk for a relapse, I KNOW that I'm no longer a smoker. I know I'm done. Forever.

Everyone kept telling me that when I quit I would feel better: I would be able to breath better, I would be able to taste better, blah, blah, blah. For the record, none of this is true. I don't feel better--not at all, physically at least. In fact, I feel worse because I still crave the cigarettes and still feel like I'm depriving myself of something. However, that's not enough to get me to start again.

I have quit smoking on just one other ocassion: two years ago, for 12 days. In those 12 days I gained 12 pounds and at that time I was unable to deal with that. I started smoking just to keep the weight gain at bay---and was successful. In fact, I even lost some weight when I started up again. Which is why now that I've gained in excess of 15 pounds I am struggling even more so with remaining smoke-free. I know that quitting smoking is far better for my health than gaining a few pounds is as a detriment, but I've become just vain enough that the weight gain is really difficult to handle. Today I half-heartedly began following Weight Watchers again, but I'm not sure I have it in me to really stick to the program. I do know that I need to do something, because when your mom-the one person who's supposed to love you unconditionally-tells you that you're getting fat; well, that should tell you something.

Two

2007-05-29T20:40:00.000-06:00

This might be enough to actually give me a heart attack...

Libations

2007-05-28T21:24:00.000-06:00

A little over a year ago I instituted a hard and fast rule that I never drink-not a drop-if I'm driving. On more than one ocassion I have driven home after having too much to drink and I finally got disgusted enough with myself that I made this rule. It goes hand in hand with the rule that I can't have anything to drink at a work function. It sounds odd, but when you do what I do, drinking is inevitable. We regularly host an event called "Wine & Theatre"--'nough said. Anyhow, normally my non-drinking self is able to save a wad of cash by sipping Diet Coke, rather than wine, beer or vodka, but every now and then my soberness costs me a pretty penny.

On Saturday night I went out with a friend and several of her friends for her birthday. This isn't my normal group of friends, but I have met most of them on one ocassion or another, so it's not like they were complete strangers. My friend, we'll call her...Sally, she picked a very nice Japanese restaurant for her birthday celebration. Though not something I would've chosen myself, I tried to shed my inhibitions about eating food with which I'm not familiar and branch out. If for no other reason than because Sally deserves it. When we arrived, the first conversation was about whether to order a bottle of sake ($90) or individual boxes of sake ($9 each). Knowing that the bill would be split an even seven ways, excluding the birthday girl, from the tab, I tried to make it known that I was drinking tap water, without seeming like an obnoxious cheapskate, but when the bill arrived, the cost per person was calculated at $48.68 per person, equal for all, even those of us who drank plain ol' water.

I'm really not that cheap, I don't mind paying for a good meal, but this meal wasn't that good and the service was just plain bad, but because we were a party of eight they automatically added in the 18% gratuity. And because the liquor alone consumed at the table was in excess of $60 I feel like I paid more than my fair share. This is not the first time this has happened, and it will certainly not be the last, but that does not make the pill any easier to swallow, particularly
when it's being choked down without a drop of alcohol.

2007-05-27T12:49:00.001-06:00

My apologies for lack of posting. I worked about 70 hours last week and am pretty spent. I hope to resume regular posting this evening.

AWWWWWKKKKKWARD!

2007-05-17T21:04:00.001-06:00

Okay, so I'm a pretty open-minded girl and while I might be slightly high-strung and tend to take some things too seriously, in general I have a very good sense of humor and am pretty good at laughing at myself, which I mention only as a preface to the following story, which might make all things mentioned above seem contrary.

A couple/three weeks ago a new woman began work in the accounting department, which happens to be housed on the same floor as my department. This woman, I'll call her... Sally, is super-nice and I really like her, we've gotten to be friends, but only in the work sense, it's not like I'd call her up on a Saturday afternoon and ask her to catch a movie or anything, just chat it up at the water cooler, or the kitchen sink.

The past few days she's been acting a little more chummy: like asking me if I want to go to the Roller Derby (um, not happening) or if I could use an old lawn mower that she has sitting in her yard after I told her I didn't have one (no, thanks!). Slightly strange, but we're a friendly bunch at the DCPA, so I tried not to think much of it.

Today I was sitting at my desk minding my own business and something happened that has rocked me to the very core. Here is a verbatim regurgitation of a conversation I had with Sally.

Setting: A late morning in mid-May. Me, in my office, sitting quietly at my desk doing my work.

Sally enters. "Hey, Miss Molly are you busy?"

"Oh, Sally, I'm always busy, what's up?" I responded barely looking up from what I was doing.

"Well, shy isn't really a word in my vocabulary, so..." At this point I knew what was coming, all the events of the past week came racing to the forefront of my mind so I tucked in my chin and thought "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." over and over again in my head while trying to come up with something to say--"...do you date boys or girls?"

"Boys." I said very quickly, whilst shuffling paper and avoiding eye contact.

"Oh, okay... " she said in a wounded puppy dog voice, "well, it's hard to tell around here. I was going to ask if you wanted to go to lunch..."

"Well, I'm very flattered and I have lunch plans already for today, but I could go to lunch with you sometime, I have friends who are boys and girls, I don't discriminate." I said, not wanting her to be embarassed, or to feel bad. "You're very nice to think of it."

As she left my office, I instantly regretted saying that. It could be construed as leading her on. Couldn't it? And I am most certainly never going to go to lunch with her, one on one.

Honestly the entire situation really is flattering, I meant it when I said that, but it's also extraordinarily embarassing and slightly disconcerting. What bothers me is not the fact that she asked (though that is odd, and I'll get to that in a minute), but the fact that on some level I could be giving off a gay vibe, which might possibly explain why I'm still single. I asked no less than ten people, including the two straight guys I work with (yes, there are two), if they thought I give off such a vibe, and they both said that I don't, but I still can't stop thinking about it.

Secondly, beyond the embarassment, beyond the confusion about the vibe is the fact that she asked. I tried to put myself in the position of what I believe I would have done had it been a guy in the same position who asked me out and came to the conclusion that I also would've said "no" though for different reasons. First and foremost, dating someone with whom one works in close proximity is not the smartest thing and secondly, Sally is a good 15 years older than me, which is bothersome on a completely different level.

And finally, beyond the embarassment and the over-analyzing is the fact that I now feel completely uncomfortable in my work environment. After today's "incident"I avoided walking by Sally's desk (difficult since she's out in the open and not in an office) and found myself alone in the women's restroom with her at one point--can you say "awkward?" I'm trying to act as though I'm unaffected, because I don't want her to feel bad, but at the same time, I AM affected and I AM bothered by it and I DO feel uncomfortable and well... that counts for something. It is not okay.

The good part in all of this is that I am laughing about it and it made an otherwise boring Thursday more exciting and perhaps most importantly, for once, for once, I had some good dating gossip--even if it was of the wrong variety.

Can't

2007-05-16T22:16:00.000-06:00

I just spent 45 minutes writing a post that was rather interesting-at least to me-and when I finished it I realized that it's not really something that I'm comfortable being posting on the Internet, because even though most of my colleagues are not web savvy enough to figure out where this site is let alone that I write the content I'm just certain that the minute I post something that I'm not sure I'm comfortable with my colleagues seeing someone will find it and I will most certainly regret it. And because I worked a 13 hour day I'm too tired to think of something else, but I did promise a post every night this week and I intend to deliver...even though this is the most boring, pointless thing I've ever mustered up. Ah, C'est la vie. G'night.

Y-NOT?

2007-05-15T21:55:00.000-06:00

I gots just one thing to say tonight: I'M GOING TO THE TONY'S! That's right folks, I'm going to the Tony Awards on June 10 and I'm so freakin' excited I can hardly stand it. Thanks go to Talia because she acquired the tickets and is letting me crash at her new pad in the City, and more thanks go to Mike and Mary because they're providing me the airfare hook-up, once again. I will chronicle our experience at the Awards themselves and keep a running list of all the celebrities I spy for later posting. One thing's for sure, I will most certainly walk out of Radio City Music Hall that evening with smeared mascara and eyeliner running down my cheeks since I cry when I'm excited. And, here's the best part, people: a host has yet to be named, which means it could be anyone--ANYONE! I can hardly wait. I don't know how I'm going to settle down enough to sleep tonight, I've just been hyper ever since Talia called today. I'm going to the Tony's, I'm going to the Tony's, I'm going to the Tony's...

Voicemail

2007-05-14T09:45:00.001-06:00

Part of my job requires me to fill ticket orders. Yes, yes, in addition to buying advertising and negotiating promotions and now even pitching stories to the media I am also a box office. It's probably worth mentioning at this point that I actually applied for a job in the box office about seven years ago and they turned me down-some things are just meant to be. But, I digress. We provide tickets-in the form of vouchers-to our sponsors, media partners and for donations to other non-profits. They then distribute these vouchers to whomever their little hearts desire and those folks call me to exchange them for actual tickets. Sometimes people call me at 2 pm on a Saturday afternoon and then call back on Sunday because they haven't heard from me, as was the case this weekend. It's extraordinarily frustrating and annoying, but it's part of my job so I just shut up and call them back...eventually.

A woman who bought two tickets to a show on Friday night at a silent auction, called me on Saturday to reserve her tickets and then called again on Sunday. While I found this slightly irritating I tried to return her calls as quickly as I could this morning. I called this woman no less than three times today, allowing the phone to ring multiple time (meaning: more than ten) and nothing. I looked up her phone number in our ticketing database and searched for her name in hopes of finding an e-mail address of cell number, and nothing. She neither answered the phone, nor did an answering machine or voicemail pick up. So, now I fear that I look like an unprofessional slacker, not calling her back, when in fact I called her all day distracting myself from actual work. And it's not even enough for me to rest on the fact that she has caller i.d. and saw my missed calls when clearly this patron is so stuck in the 20th century that she doesn't even have voicemail! And, it led me to wonder: how does one survive in the year 2007 without such modern conveniences? And, more importantly, might it be considered disrespectful to the rest of society by not allowing them? It's like people who don't read their e-mail. It's simply rude. You may not like it but e-mail is a part of business so fucking read and respond to it. If you can't do that then perhaps you should consider getting a job where you don't have to use it. Similarly, if you don't have voicemail on your phone then please don't even think about leaving a message on mine. If you don't take the responsibility of having technology seriously yourself, then please don't take advantage of the fact that I do. But then again, what do I know? I was denied the chance to work in the box office, after all.

Column

2007-05-13T21:26:00.000-06:00

Thanks to a co-worker I have recently become obsessed with Michael Riedel's column in the New York Post; Wednesdays and Fridays. Though I ordinarily avoid any media that's owned by Rupert Murdoch I feel as though because I read the column online I'm not really supporting him, or anything he stands for and because I don't click on any of the banner ads I'm not supporting the advertisers who choose to support him either. Anyhoo...all that aside, Reidel's columns are at least entertaining--in a sardonic David Sedaris kind of way--and are frequently quite insightful, as well. As I read the column I frequently find myself thinking that writing a column about theatre is totally something I could do...and do pretty well. Perhaps that should be my next career goal: writing a column about theatre, exclusively.

Initially, when I started this blog, I'd thought that I'd write on theatre-related items more than I do (hence the URL), but when it came down to it I realized that that's not exactly the most effective way to spend my free time. Afterall, I spend 40+ hours per week working on theatre, coming home and spending my spare time writing about theatre might not be the healthiest idea I've ever had, I suppose. But, still... every Wednesday morning I open up that webpage and I think about what I would write about if I were Michael Reidel and if I had the resources of a daily paper at my fingertips and it's never about what Michael Reidel chooses to write. Still, while I doubt I'll ever write a strictly theatre-themed column, I do wonder about my ability to write a column, in general. Perhaps a daily column is something I'm incapable of, as I've clearly not been able to keep up with my blog, but maybe a weekly? Or maybe I'm not as interesting as I think I am, and I'd better just stick to blogger and entertaining the online voyeurs who come to take a glimpse into my life.

Think

2007-05-13T20:42:00.000-06:00

Even though I've really been lacking on the posting front I've still been walking around thinking up ideas and composing introductory sentences for posts in my head. Of course, now that I'm sitting here and ready to write I can hardly think of anything to say, or how to say it. I have become a blogging loser. Sad part is that I really enjoy blogging, so I'm really going to work on getting it back together. I vow to post every night this week, about something. Whether it be a simple daily update, or something more substantiative--there will be a post. So, stay tuned.

O'What?

2007-05-02T21:57:00.001-06:00

Just in case you weren't aware, Bill O'Reilly is a complete asshole.

2007-04-24T21:07:00.000-06:00

I'm still here, I'm just generally too tired to write a post and have it be coherent. I have a lot of great ideas, though, so I will hopefully be back to posting regularly very soon. Stay tuned.

80

2007-04-15T22:05:00.000-06:00

I went to high school in Washington State, upon which I shall blame my obsession with Birkenstocks. I did manage to give up the wool socks and sandals look when I moved to California, but I do own several pairs of closed toed shoes for wintertime wear and live for summer when the Milano sandals can be broken out and worn on a daily basis.

While it's tempting for me to break out the Birks at the first sight of warm weather it's always important to remember that this is Colorado and the weather can change quickly and dramatically, which is why I had to institute the "80 degree rule." Five or six years ago I made up this rule, that it had to hit 80 degrees in Denver once before I was allowed to wear sandals. Sure, I wear flip flops around the house, but to break out the beloved Birkenstocks it had to hit 80. If it was 60 degrees the next day I could still wear them as long as the magic number had been hit.

I thought that today might be my lucky day for 2007, but sadly it fell a few degrees short and thus I am destined to socks and sneakers for a few more days. On the bright side: this at least gives me a reason to look forward to summer and the warmer weather.

Edward

2007-04-13T00:20:00.000-06:00

This is what I was doing in St. Paul.

Greg said it better than I ever could.

Minnesota

2007-04-11T22:56:00.000-06:00

Just got home from a quick business trip to see "Edward Scissorhands" and do some interviews at the Ordway Center in St. Paul, MN. I've been to Minneapolis once, but I was very young and don't really remember it. I'd never been to St. Paul... I'll probably never go again. The Ordway is gorgeous, a remarkable facility, and we stayed in a lovely hotel, but I went for a walk last night after the show, thinking I might stop and have a drink while I was in the situation where I could do so without feeling guilty for having to drive or anything and the city was dead--I mean DEAD--by 10 PM. Not even a restaurant open in the 'hood, except in the hotel. The bartender in the hotel restaurant makes a mean cosmo, though, so it all worked out!

I'd promise more of an update on the trip, but there's really not much more to tell, so this will have to suffice. I will add that I got to charge a $165 meal on my credit card, for which I'll be reimbursed, which was empowering. If you ever have the chance, I highly recommend it!

p.s. "Edward Scissorhands" is incredible; if you have a chance get out to see it. Maybe more of my thoughts on the show will be the topic of tomorrow's post...I try not to preach about our shows, but this might need to be an exception.

Insurance

2007-04-09T21:59:00.000-06:00

Since March 16 when I had the lump removed I've been logging into my health insurance account a couple times a week to see when all the bills are going to hit in anticipation of paying my $500 deductible. The bills were received at the insurance company last week, but hadn't been processed so I couldn't see them online...until today. I was shocked. The anesthesiologist alone cost almost $600. The surgery itself--the hospital charges--were $4,800. My doctor's bill still has not been posted, so who knows how much she cost? If I were the betting type I'd say she's the most expensive part of the whole process! I'm not sure what I expected to see when I opened the webpage, but it sure as hell wasn't a total of more than $5,000! What do people without health insurance do? I have a new empathy for the working poor in this country and I think I just became a little more of a Democrat.

Gross

2007-04-08T20:25:00.000-06:00

Every Monday Playbill.com posts the weekly grosses for currently playing Broadway shows on its website. They have a chart that shows total sales in dollars, total capacity in seats available, average ticket price, total seats sold, etc, etc. It's somewhat daunting to glance at but I look forward to seeing what shows are doing on Broadway. It's sometimes a gauge for seeing what will eventually be sent out on tour and I think its interesting to compare shows that are considered critical successes, with those that are commercial successes and of course I like to see shows that I like doing well on the Great White Way.

I am similarly obsessed with our sales reports at work, where I can geek-out on a daily basis analyzing our percentage of capacity and amortizing where we are in relation to our sales goals. When there's a spike I look at advertising, promotions and press that have occurred that might have influenced daily sales and I feel proud when I can find a direct correlation to something I did that might've caused the increase. On the flip side, it's helpful to analyze tactics that didn't work as they relate to specific productions--never make the same mistake twice!

If sales continued as I expect they did, I should go into the office tomorrow to discover that our second engagement of "Wicked" is sold-out. "Wicked" is currently playing in New York at the Gershwin Theatre and at just over 1,800 seats it's the largest of the Broadway houses. Since it opened in October of 2003 "Wicked" has played at 100% of capacity. On the road it has never had a seat go unsold--even in houses that are substantially larger that their Broadway counterparts--a feat the likes of which I have never seen. Sure, there are blockbusters: "Phantom of the Opera," "Les Miz," and "The Lion King" all continue to play to sold-out houses on a regular basis, but to have a show that's been running for three years and more than 1,000 performances nave never have a single seat--not one--go unsold?! There's no denying that that's remarkable.

As I was brushing up on weekly grosses this evening in anticipation of tomorrow's posting, I started pondering "Wicked's" success here in Denver and in New York. And, I began to wonder when the fascination and fixation on this show will ever die; when will I look at the weekly grosses and find that "Wicked" only played at 99% capacity? When do shows that are considered phenomenons lose their superstar status? How does it happen? And why? When does the product not to live up the hype and are there shows that can outlive anything?

Bible

2007-04-07T00:13:00.000-06:00

Recently a debate about the teaching of the biblical texts in our public schools has arisen. It was a featured story on Oprah today, made the cover of Time magazine last week and has come up more than once in the past couple of weeks on my favorite talk radio show. If you know me, you know I'm not a particularly religious person. I was raised Catholic, went to church every Sunday and have received four of the seven sacraments, but I haven't set foot in a church in more than five years and have a feeling it will be at least five more before I do. However, while religion isn't my bag, I have to admit that I truly admire others with a religious conviction or devotion as long as that devotion is pure and truthful and does not exist out of vanity or hypocrisy. I find it somehow inspiring that others have the faith to believe and trust in something that they have no physical proof exists.

As a student I always struggled with reading for school, I never enjoyed literature classes which forced me to read at a specific pace and then be tested on my comprehension and analysis of that reading. I have always enjoyed reading for leisure or pleasure, however, and embrace the educational aspects of that experience. In high school eight semesters of English courses: literature, writing, grammar, etc. were required for graduation. After taking the standard courses and as much creative writing as possible, I was somewhat forced into taking literature courses in order to get that diploma. I struggled my way through "Comic Vision," and "Popular Literature" and then found a class that seemed somewhat interesting: "The Bible as Literature."

Being Catholic, I was really only familiar with the New Testament--upon which Catholic liturgy focuses-- and thought this might be a good opportunity to learn about the stories of the Old Testament specifically and, in turn graduate. I didn't fear the teacher trying to make me more Christian and I didn't fear demagoguery as a result of the experience, nor did my parents. I simply viewed it as a class which taught me about the actual writings in the Bible, which, like it or not, is the greatest-selling book of all time. It is by most counts, a masterpiece and one with which a great deal of cultural and historical references are based.

I don't believe that Americans have to be intimately familiar with the Bible--in fact I feel exactly contrary to that, but I do believe that since 76.5% of Americans classify themselves as Christian they should at least be familiar with the stories, lessons, fables and parables contained within the text they consider sacred and upon which their faith is based. The fact that 60% of Americans can't name five of the ten commandments tells me that not only are Americans quite possibly--on the whole--the laziest society in the World, but also that they are--on the whole--hypocrites. We encounter Biblical references on a daily basis in our society and sadly I would venture an uneducated guess that an equal 60% of Americans have no clue that these references even occur. Politicians pander to this Christian sub sect knowing that those of us without a spiritual or religious inclination will simply accept the references as a part of the greater whole of society. Sadly, I think those of us who don't read the Bible as a part of a religious ritual or spiritual fulfillment are more familiar with the specific references than those who claim to live their lives with the writings as a central driving force. It is indeed that which has taught me that the Bible is not just a religious text, but a social and cultural one. One that has become so ingrained in society that rather than asking if we should be teaching it in a public school setting, I would ask: why aren't we demanding that it be taught?

Oy!

2007-04-03T20:42:00.000-06:00

I don't like writing generic update posts or simply bitching publicly, prefering instead to choose a topic and then just go to town, but tonight as an homage to the way my life is going right now, and the way my brain is functioning, I'm going to take advantage of the bullet function on blogger.

Why is it that newspaper websites like this and this suck-ass so hard? They are the slowest f'ing sites on the planet. I need them to be fast, I don't have all the time in the world. Oy!
One of my co-workers--and someone I would probably put in the "best" friend category--left the DCPA two weeks ago. I am now not only doing my own job, which takes up enough time, but I'm doing hers, as well, until we find her replacement. Which might explain why I need this site and this one to be a little faster: fucking clips, I thought I was done with that part of my life. Oy!
For the third time in three months the check engine light in my car came on. And, for the third time in three months I shelled out another couple hundred bucks to have the magic light extinguished. Which means that for the third time in three months I've spent more than $700 each month on my car. Oy!
My breast is healing nicely (thanks to everyone for your thoughts, comments and e-mails!). I had my official post-op appointment last Friday. The bruising is almost completely gone. I have one big bruise that's causing something called "epidermal fasciitis" (yes, that's a real word). It's causing the skin on the surface to fall off and then oozes out some puss and blood before scabbing over. I realize that was probably a big TMI moment for most of you, but this is my blog, dammit, and I'll fucking say what I like. :) Anyhow, this fasciitis takes--get this--six months to heal. Plus it drastically increases my risk of infection so I get to go back to the surgeon a little more frequently. Oy!

I'm sure there's much more about which I could bitch, but I'm exhausted and struggling to keep my eyes open, so I think I'll go tuck myself into bed and pop in a library-rented DVD and hope to fall asleep. In closing I'd just like to point out on last thing: have you ever noticed that a majority of the word "boy" is made up by the word "oy?" Took the words right outta my mouth...

Bizarre

2007-03-24T18:50:00.000-06:00

This week has been a hard one. On top of my own personal stuff, my boss is going through some very serious and emotionally challenging medical issues with his parents and one of my co-workers, and closest friends, had her last day in the office a week ago yesterday. I have been covering all of her work (which is a lot since we have a show in-town next week) and trying to help my boss as much as possible with his work, plus trying to get all my own stuff done. I'm glad I quit smoking, I haven't even had time to walk to the bathroom, let alone go outside to suck one down.

I was so tired last night that by 9:30 I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open, so I went to bed. I woke up this morning about 8:30 to a gloomy rainy day (my favorite!), had some breakfast, watched some TV decided not to go to work as I'd originally planned and then decided to go back to sleep. I was dozing while watching movies and had a couple strange dreams about two different people who I haven't talked to in awhile. I woke up and finally decided to get in the shower and when I got out I had a voicemail from one of them, and an e-mail from the other. Is this evidence that I have some sort of weird "gift" for predicting the future? No, you're right, I don't... I can just compel people to do things through my dreams.

Pictures

2007-03-21T22:31:00.000-06:00

I've never really been one to take pictures. I don't particularly enjoy having my picture taken and I've never been good at carrying a camera or simply remembering to use it when I do. Because of this deficiency I've never owned a camera of my own, choosing mostly to use disposable cameras and only when absolutely necessary. Anyhow, a couple years ago my mom got a new digital camera and bequeathed unto me her old dinosaur of a camera that, at this point, is probably close to ten years old. I rarely use it, but I do like that I'm able to document certain things.

If I haven't mentioned it (is that possible?!), the bruising and swelling of my breast due to the surgery is truly unbelievable, beyond anything I could've imagined. I have been using the dinosaur camera to take pictures (a feat unto itself) every day or two of the changes in my breast, just for the sake of documentation. I thought it was bad on Friday, I thought it was bad on Saturday, but nothing could've prepared me for what I would find tonight when I changed into my PJ's. It looks like a mini van drove over me. Seriously. I guess that explains why the pain was the worst yet today, too. I wish these weren't pictures of a rather sensitive part of the human anatomy, otherwise I would post them here, because they are worth showing people. Fear not, young ones, even though I've lost all sense of modesty through this process I know that it might make other people uncomfortable, so I won't do it--at least not tonight.

Normal

2007-03-20T20:51:00.000-06:00

I went back to see my surgeon today who told me that the lump I'm feeling is probably just normal breast tissue that had been disturbed because she had to dig (for lack of a better word) pretty far and pretty deeply into my breast and the tissue that's pushed aside is just clumping together right there. She told me that she looked all on the inside of my breast and didn't see any unhealthy breast tissue and everything looked good, but that we'll keep our eyes on it in my next two appointments (I have to go back to see her at least two more times).

I don't necessarily "believe" her, I have felt that lump hundreds of time in the last three months and I know where it is and what it feels like, but I do trust her and that's why we go to doctors, right? Because we don't know what's best and we need their help?

On a side note, she also said that my bruising is worse than she expected it to be, but still normal. I now have bruises of every shape and color you can imagine so much so that one of my friends has begun to call me "Rainbow Brite." And, rather than the pain and swelling getting better, it seems to be worsening day by day... *sigh* When will this be over?

Results

2007-03-19T20:55:00.000-06:00

The pathology results came in today and the lump that my surgeon removed was a "benign lipoma" which is just extra fatty breast tissue that sometimes grows in irregular paterns.

When I called the office this morning to talk to someone about the lump that wasn't removed they asked me to come in, so I'm going in to see her again tomorrow morning at 10:30. The drama never ends...

Lump

2007-03-18T20:57:00.000-06:00

A little over a year ago a good friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer--two weeks before she turned 28. She was young, it was nothing anyone expected,-- least of all her-- but a year later she has beat the cancer and is doing extremely well.

I was never really one to do breast self-exams, but since her diagnosis I try to be diligent about it. In mid-December as I was sort of passively doing my exam (as usual) I found a lump. I didn't think much of it at first, but as the days wore on I began to check it excessively, constantly wondering if it was still there. All the websites I read said to wait until after my next period to see if it was just caused by hormones. And, so I did. I waited until January and that lump was still there.

While this experience has most certainly weighed on me heavily throughout the past couple of months, I didn't tell anyone about it until very recently for fear that I was overreacting. I did, however, blog about it, carefully saving all my thoughts on the subject. I had surgery on Friday to remove the lump and have pasted a selection of posts on the subject below.

January 17, 2007
About a month ago I found a lump in my left breast. It was a routine breast self-exam. At first I didn't think much of it, thinking it was just normal breast tissue. But, as the days wore on the lump seemed to be jumping out from my skin and to my fingers; it became easier and easier for me to find it and it seemed to be more and more prominent; not bigger, just less discrete. I did some reading online about breast lumps and learned a lot. Most of what I read said to wait until after your next period when hormones are at their lowest level and see if there are changes in the lumps size, texture, etc. So, this past week after my period ended and the lump was still there I decided it was time to go to the doctor. I called and within five minutes had an appointment for the next afternoon.

As you might imagine I've been feeling quite anxious about this whole scenario, especially considering that a close friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer just a little over a year ago, two weeks before her 28th birthday. When I got to the doctor's office I was so nervous I was shaking, I could barely sign my name on the check-in sheet and I was a sweating more-so than usual. When I finally got into the exam room my blood pressure was sky-high and I could feel my heart beating through my chest. More than being nervous about what they might find, I was nervous that she would tell me I was overreacting, or worse-yet that I had actually imagined the lump, that it wasn't there at all.

By the time my doctor came into the room I'd managed to settle myself down slightly. She started by checking my right breast first so that she could get a gauge for what's normal in regards to my breasts. When she got to my left breast she began wrinkling her nose and squinting her eyes. I asked her if she felt it and she said yes, she felt something slightly. She thought that by how it felt it might be a cyst, so decided to try to aspirate some fluid. Let me tell you now, needles never feel good, but a needle digging around in your breast is particularly uncomfortable, scratch that, it hurt like hell. She couldn't get any fluid to come out, so that means it's probably not a cyst. As my doctor explained to me, if I feel something and she felt something that means we do more to see if we can figure out what it is. So that means I go in for a mammogram and an ultrasound to try to diagnose the lump. She told me to wait a couple weeks to make an appointment because since she stuck a needle into the skin there is probably bleeding which will show up during these tests and may cause undue alarm.

So now, here I am: 28 years old facing tests normally reserved for 50 year old women. I'm not nervous about the tests themselves, but I'm terrified beyond belief at what they might find.

January 20, 2007
We had two shows open this week, which normally puts me into a foul mood, because I hate having to be at work late (early?) more than once a couple times a month, let alone within three days. But, after spending a day in my chair watching bad cable TV I understand why this week didn't get to me nearly as much as two opening weeks normally do: it provided a nice diversion from the reality. I realize that this lump is probably nothing to worry about, that everything's probably going to be okay, but I've spent the better part of today mostly sitting around and worrying about it. I wish the doctor hadn't done the aspiration and I could go get the other tests done this week, quickly, so I could know. Likely the worst part of this process is not knowing, worrying and then feeling stupid when it all comes to pass. Afterall, 8 in 10 lumps are non-cancerous, so why I am I so nervous about the whole thing? What makes me think this is something more than that?

February 8, 2007
I finally got in for the mammogram and ultrasound today. I learned that the shortened version, "mammo," is favored among those in "the know" but I have little interest in using the term myself, it sort of creeps me out, to be honest. Anyhow... from the minute I walked in the door of the Breast Care Center at Lutheran I felt out of place and uncomfortable. I have sort of outgrown the phase of my life where I'm always the youngest one in the room, but I managed to revert. Still, I couldn't help but thinking that everyone in the waiting room was wondering why the hell I was there and even though I felt validated because my doctor told me to go, I still couldn't help wondering myself what the hell I was doing there.

I felt patronized by all the technicians from the moment I walked in. From the receptionists who were referring to me as "the young one" when they thought I was out of earshot, to the nurse who talked to me like I was 8, rather than 28 to the ultrasound technician who told me that they "don't do mammograms on girls as young as me." I had to bite my tongue, quite literally, to keep from saying, "you're fucking going to do the mammogram because my doctor fucking order it!" In the end, they just wanted to start with the ultrasound and go from there.

After the ultrasound the tech walked into what I imagined was a dark office with a geeky radiologist sitting behind a particle board desk reading tests day in and day out while drinking an endless cup of coffee, black of course. I imagined him peering over the rim of his too-big-for-his-face glasses and asking "is this the young one?" Quite predictably, when the tech came back into the room she said, "they don't see anything worrisome, but we will go ahead and do the mammo." Yeah, that's right, bitch, you will.

I was then led into another, smaller, room for the mammogram. The tech arranged my boobs on the machine and took pictures from a variety of different angles on my right breast. Then she placed a little metal marker on the spot where the lump is in the left breast and took more pictures. When she was done she left and came back a few minutes later and said with a chuckle, "everything looks fine, nothing to be concerned about we'll see you again in about 15 years." I guess I didn't want to hear that there was something to worry about, but I felt like they were flip about everything, like they weren't taking me seriously, like they didn't get that I was freaked out beyond belief--and still am to some extent. They deal with this shit every single fucking day and if I'm lucky that will be the only time I ever have to deal with it--is it too much to ask for a little compassion?

March 6, 2007
I saw the surgeon today.

Maybe I'm being hyper-sensitive about this whole situation, but again, I didn't really care for most of the people in the office. However, I did like the doctor. A woman, for which I was truly grateful. I pretty much expected to be escorted into an exam room, strip down and have her feel me up. I used to be pretty modest, hell I'm a total prude, but at this point so many people have felt me up I'd pretty much let anyone do it. Anyhow, after a little Q&A she left and asked me to get into a "gown" which was really like a vest, but that's neither here nor there. And that brings up another point, why do the doctors always leave when you change? They're going to see everything anyway, right?! Weird. Anyhow...when she came back in she asked me to lie down. I told her that I had a really hard time feeling the lump when I was lying down. She said that was okay, that she'd start this way and that if I needed to sit up, I could. She started with my "healthy" and "normal" right breast and then moved to the left. I was somewhat surprised that she found the lump right away...since even I struggle to find it and my own doctor could barely find it when I was lying down. anyhow...she said she definitely wanted to biopsy it and that I had two choices: one, we could do a core needle biopsy (where they poke you with a giant fucking needle and pull out tissue) or two, we could do an excisional biopsy where they do surgery to remove the lump entirely for testing. She said that a core needle biopsy is easy and can be done in the office, but that due to the nature of my lump that if the tests came out normal she'd be worried that she didn't hit the lump with the needle and would therefore order the excisional anyway. So, in order to prevent having to go through two separate tests we agreed to just do the excisional biopsy. I didn't schedule it yet, because I wanted to check on my work schedule, so I'll call tomorrow to make the appointment... more to come.

March 7, 2007
I scheduled the surgery for my biopsy today for next Friday morning at 10:30 am. By 8:45 am I'll find myself at Lutheran Surgical Center. I'm very nervous about the whole thing. I've never had surgery before, so it's a little daunting, but I'm also relieved that in less than two weeks I should finally, finally know what the hell this is. Good or bad, I just want to know and now I finally will.

March 17, 2007
Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Yesterday I had surgery to remove the lump. The procedure is called an excisional biopsy and is fairly simple. It wasn't a pleasant experience, but it wasn't terrible either. I didn't have any pain at all until this morning and even that is bearable. It looks pretty bad though, the bruising is unlike anything I've ever really seen before, I'm pretty swollen and the incision is much bigger than I thought it would be. The good thing is that she used dermabond (like skin super glue) to close the wound, so it's completely closed and I don't have to have a dressing on it and can shower normally. I did take a picture, but since it's of my breast I'm not going to post it publicly--that might get me kicked off of "American Idol"--but if you want to see it e-mail me and I'll send it to you. I've pretty much lost all sense of modesty in this whole ordeal.

The surgery itself lasted only about half an hour. Before I'd even gotten situated on the operating table the anesthesiologist had put the drugs in my IV that would sedate me slightly, so that I was awake, but didn't really care what was going on. The first few minutes I was on what I'd imagine to be like an acid trip. I felt like I was in "Alice in Wonderland" when I "woke up" I saw the blue drape and remembered where I was. I was then talking to the doctors, the nurses, and everyone else in the room. The anesthesiologist asked me what shows were coming up and even though sedated and "under the knife" at that very moment I told him he should bring his mother-in-law to see "Edward Scissorhands"--some of us never stop working. Ironic show choice, I thought, too.

There were a couple points where I felt a slight amount of pain, but she just gave me another shot to numb me up some more and I was good. The weirdest thing is that I bled quite a bit and could feel the blood running down my side and onto my back, rather unsettling. I was only in recovery for like 20 minutes before I was completely lucid, sitting up and eating yogurt. I was pretty much walking out the door about an hour after I'd gotten out of surgery. I spent the afternoon dozing on the couch being paranoid that one of the cats was going to jump on me and cause excruciating pain, even though I haven't had any pain until today. At about 4:30 I drove myself down to Jen's going-away party before coming home and tucking myself in for the night until about 8:30.

My surgeon told me while still on the table that she thought the lump was a fibroid, but I should have the final results on Monday. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

I'd also like to publicly thank Leslie for taking me to the hospital, staying with me all day yesterday and stocking me up with a ton of peanut butter treats and Mary for bringing me a movie, a Shamrock Shake and yet more peanut butter goodies today. Both of them hardly flinched when I actually flashed them my bruised and swollen boob--that's the mark of a true friend. Or maybe it's not as bad as I think it is.

Saturday, March 18, 2007--Part 2

Last night before I went to bed, I was feeling the area where the lump was supposed to be removed. I'm not sure what I thought I'd feel; maybe I was testing to see if it was bruised, or I wanted to see what it felt like without the lump, but when I went to feel it I realized that the lump was still there. I have no doubt that my surgeon did remove a lump, but it wasn't the one I thought it was. At first I was angry, but that quickly turned to being completely distraught. I cried myself to sleep last night, woke up and cried more, fell back to sleep and thus the cycle has continued most of the day. I feel deformed and gross, I'm scared that I'm not going to have the peace of mind I thought this would bring and I'm scared that I'll have to go through this again because the lump I felt wasn't removed. I plan on being on the phone with the surgeon first thing Monday morning. I'll let you all know what happens.

Reasons

2007-03-11T22:49:00.000-06:00

Today has maybe been my hardest day yet in my quitting smoking adventure, a true test. I spent most of the day cleaning my house, and I mean CLEANING. My normal cleaning ritual is that I clean one room, or finish one task and as a reward to myself I would smoke. I finish vacuuming, and then I smoke. I clean the bathroom and then I smoke. I mop the floors and then I smoke. You get the gist of it. Well, the patch helps a lot, but there are some cravings that you just have to work through on will power alone. Today I just kept praying that my neighbor would come home so I could bum just one.... thankfully she's still not home and I haven't gone begging, and therefore I haven't slipped up, I'm at six days and counting. Plus, I made it through an opening night party last night---that's gotta count for something.

Last week when I vowed to quit I made a list of the reasons why I should do so. I wrote them in my journal and then pulled out the pages so I could carry them around with me and remind myself whenever an urge hit me. Here's the top ten. Feel free to help me add to them, I'm going to need the encouragement.

1.) The Smell---UGH! I needn't explain it. My car smells, my hair smells, my breath smells... I smell. It's gross.

2.) Phlegm--the daily phlegm has truly gotten out of control. It's gross to hack up chunks of crap every morning--and to actually look forward to it so I feel better.

3.) Air--I've almost begun to wheeze because I can't breathe anymore. I look forward to the day I can walk up the stairs without being winded. Of course, the extra 30 pounds I'm carrying probably isn't helping, but I'll fix one vice at a time.

4.) Embarrassment--it's the year 2007, who the fuck smokes in the year 2007?!?! It's stupid and an insult to my intelligence.

5.) Andrew, Emily, Abby & Rebekah--they could be a reason each by themselves, but I'll lump them together. Set a good example, be a better aunt.

6.) Traveling--I can't wait until I can get on a flight without worrying about how my first cigarette will be lit when I land. I might actually be able to get on a flight to Australia or South Africa or China!

7.) New York!--Who are you kidding? You can't afford to live in New York as a smoker---you have to quit before you can even imagine you'd be able to live there.

8.) Money--smoking's expensive, yo! Quit now and buy a new car, or new shoes or finally get that Burberry handbag!

9.) Be stubborn--you're stubborn about everything else--why not be stubborn about this?!

10.) Be something people can be proud of. Be responsible.

Gum

2007-03-08T22:38:00.000-07:00

I had my last cigarette on Monday at 10:19 PM. Since then I have chewed so much gum that I'm beginning to worry not about my teeth turning yellow, but about them falling out of my head all-together. On Tuesday night I bought every flavor of sugar-free gum I could find. I wound up with Orbit, because they have lots of flavors; I even bought the "citrus mint" flavor, even though I don't even like it. Despite the fact that I'm pretty certain I'm coming down with lockjaw I will keep chewing because the ramifications of smoking are so much worse! I gotta say, the gum makes it easier, but this is still f'ing HARD!

Here

2007-03-06T21:54:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes, I'm still here. Much upon which to blog, little time upon which to reflect and therefore little time to write. Fear not, young ones, I will hopefully return to my regularly scheduled blog time soon.

In the meantime here are the bullet points in the life of Molly:

One of my co-workers--and a super-good friend--gave her notice. She's been there for almost 12 years and as we've been saying, "we have some high heels to fill."
I have been trying to date. I say "trying" because I'm really bad at it and I don't do it very often. What do you do when you "go on a date?!?!" Anyone have any ideas?
I am trying to quit smoking. Yes, yes, I've tried before and failed, but for some reason I think it's going to work this time. I made a list of my top ten reasons to quit and they worked all day. Tonight I went to Target and bought six different flavors of gum ( in addition to the two I carry at all times) and broke down and bought patches too. The nicotine withdrawl is causing me to feel tingly and lack concentration, which I simply don't have time for; I'm hoping maybe these patches will help ease that.

Full updates on the above points and more to come soon. Keep checking back.

p.s. The shar pei picture is causing more hits than ever--I'm averaging like 27 hits a day from that thing. Crazy.

Pancakes

2007-02-20T21:59:00.000-07:00

When I was younger my grandmother owed property where she grew patch upon patch of blueberries that she washed and froze and then distributed to the entire family. As a consequence I was basically force fed blueberry pancakes and waffles a good share of my childhood--a sure-fire way to insure avoidance as an adult. Basically, I've never been much of a fan of breakfast foods. I like bacon, sausage is okay and I've recently even developed a slight taste for eggs, but I still detest french toast, waffles and pancakes and am nauseated by even the odor of maple, so syrup's out all-together.

About a month ago I got a craving for pancakes with strawberry syrup from Village Inn. An almost unrealistic thought that I can't explain, but I couldn't stop obsessing about them. Rather than sitting in a sub-standard restaurant by myself I decided to buy my own syrup and make my own at home. Since that Saturday morning a month ago I have made pancakes no less than four times--all due to an insatibale craving. I still can't really say that I like pancakes, but I don't see an end to the cravings anytime soon. It could be worse, blueberries could be in season.

2007-02-19T22:45:00.000-07:00

Several months ago I decided to title all my posts with just one word. And while I doubt that anyone has noticed it's been fun and sometimes even challenging. However, when I decided to do this I also didn't want to use the same word as a title more than once. I wanted to use "spontaneous" as the title for tonight's post, but a quick "find" through old posts told me that I used that title already back in November. The thesaurus didn't really give me any good ideas, so I decided to leave it blank.

This was a three day weekend for me, and while I was technically supposed to work on Sunday for a few hours I coaxed a co-worker into CMA so I could be spontaneous and fly off to California to see some friends (Mike and Mary, thanks again--and still--for giving me the greatest gift ever!). I got into San Francisco on Saturday afternoon and after a small debacle picking up the rental car was on my way to Modesto to see my old friends, Jen and Edwina. I met Jen and "Nini" at Starbucks back when I was in college. Jen was hired about two weeks after me and Edwina came in as our manager after I'd been there for about a year. We were very close "back in the day" and over time and happenstance we lost touch, but reconnected last summer thanks to the beauty that is MySpace. I'd been wanting to go see them for several months, but the timing never really worked out, so you can imagine my surprise when I called them at 11:00 on Friday night to see what they were doing over the weekend....the rest is history.

While we didn't do anything particularly exciting it is such fun to make plans and do things on the fly. Being adventurous doesn't come particularly naturally for me, but I feel like I'm making great strides in being able to do spontaneous things on ocassion. If I could just finagle more days off it would be so much easier.

100

2007-02-07T22:05:00.000-07:00

Talia posted this the other day in tribute to my new favorite blog and I thought my readers might find it "interesting" as well. Enjoy!

1. My favorite movie is The American President
2. I was once diagnosed borderline OCD
3. I love box wine.
4. I hate beer.
5. I love sleeping in.
6. I love getting up early.
7. I have had my big toenails removed three times.
8. I Tivo three shows every day: The View, Oprah, and Countdown
9. My middle name is Christine.
10. I am a self-confessed know-it-all.
11. I have two cats: Millie and Linus (both named after characters from musicals) whom I love unconditionally.
12. I will only own cars with a manual transmission.
13. I talk---a lot. Often uncontrolably.
14. Someday I will live in New York.
15. I clip my nails obsessively.
16. My parents divorced when I was two.
17. I worry that my house smells like cat.
18. I work too much.
19. I love my job.
20. I know "insider secrets" and am able to keep them.
21. I will never eat celery.
22. I have two and a half sisters and one brother.
23. I watch "Meet the Press" every Sunday morning.
24. I am more attracted to one's brain than their braun.
25. I am a planner.
26. I am a prude.
27. Peanut butter is my favorite food.
28. I sleep with socks on.
29. I wear a size 34DD bra.
30. I always wear one ring on my right ring finger.
31. I'm not sure I want kids.
32. I worry about what will happen to me when I'm old if I don't have kids.
33. I am a non-practicing Catholic.
34. I hate George Bush--yeah, both of 'em.
35. I have always been a registered Democrat.
36. I might be clinically addicted to the Internet.
37. I wait at stage doors.
38. I will probably never own a home.
39. I am addicted to buying office supplies.
40. I type 80 words a minute.
41. I see every movie nominated for an Oscar--every year.
42. I broke my foot when I was 15.
43. "The West Wing" is the best show ever produced.
44. I will stay up until the middle of the night no matter how tired I am.
45. I drink a gallon of water a day.
46. I hate wearing dresses and skirts.
47. War movies are my favorite.
48. I understand not the fascination with: Lost or 24.
49. I have naturally curly hair.
50. I normally keep my thermostat at 66 degrees.
51. I have never done any illegal drugs.
52. I think/fear I might be single forever.
53. I wink a lot; sometimes without even thinking about it.
54. I have green eyes.
55. I have washed my face every night since I was 15.
56. "Sports Night" is the perfect sitcom.
57. I never make plans on Sunday night.
58. I kick-ass at Trivial Pursuit.
59. I love stripes, checks and plaids!
60. I have never had braces.
61. I've worn glasses since I was 8.
62. I want to work for Disney.
63. Romance is lost on me.
64. I hate Shakespeare.
65. I think Grease is the worst show EVER!
66. I hate being bare footed.
67. I hate Boulder, CO
68. I have every episode of "The West Wing" recorded from TV.
69. I vow to throw away every episode of "The West Wing" I have recorded from TV since I now own them on DVD.
70. You will never see me dance--EVER!
71. Diet Dr. Pepper--'nough said.
72. I prefer short hair to long hair.
73. I love bubble gum and chew it every day.
74. I have never dyed my hair--even though it's going gray.
75. I use my work schedule as an excuse for being anti-social.
76. I am a stickler for proper grammar, punctuation and spelling.
77. I have a ridiculously high pain tolerance.
78. I want to open my own sandwich shop when I grow up.
79. I was a drum major in my high school marching band.
80. Playbill.com is my home page.
81. I am a kiss-ass.
82. I listen to Bill O'Reilly and Dr. Laura on the radio.
83. I am cheap.
84. I have lived in six states and D.C.
85. I have friends who are only online friends.
86. I hate summertime.
87. I miss working at Starbucks.
88. My heart hurts when I think about my niece.
89. I have bouts of extreme vertigo.
90. I am in a book club.
91. I never use black ink when writing.
92. I hate sand.
93. I love the smell of new crayons.
94. I have a very strong smell memory.
95. I do not consider myself to be creative.
96. I am highly organized.
97. I rarely get sick.
98. I love Billy Joel.
99. I am a sports fan.
100. I always wear two shirts, at least.

Nothing

2007-02-07T17:34:00.000-07:00

As it turns out I was scared, lost sleep and even shed a few "nervous tears" (okay, not really) over absolutely NOTHING. Linda Evans is the most adorable, nice, dear woman. She's real and normal and absolutely delightful. She opened her own car door, graciously offered to take photos with anyone who would ask, skirted around the tough questions like a pro and elegantly and enthusiastically told her story. She was genuinely interested in anything I had to say, asked meaningful questions and even jabbed with a few quick-witted jokes ("remember this when you're old Molly, lighting really is everything."). All in all today was a lovely day and I hope I get to interact with her again as it was truly a good experience. Maybe I'll check out those "Dynasty" DVD's afterall.

F***

2007-02-06T15:49:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I ditched the idea of being a publicist long ago was because of my inability to interact with "the talent." While I was at the Kennedy Center I nearly threw up on the shoes of Lynn Redgrave and swallowed my tongue when I had to deliver lunch to Stephen Sondheim. I just get too nervous to deal with it. Even being in on an interview with a nobody journalist freaked me out. And while I generally handle myself reasonably well, it's just not worth the ulcers it causes, so I do my best to avoid it as best I can.

So, all that said, part of my current job is to assist our two publicists with interviews as warranted. This rarely happens, unless there are "stars" involved, because of the demands on their time, as well as their requirements for the interviews. We have a show opening tonight called Legends! starring Joan Collins and Linda Evans, of "Dynasty" fame. Since I was just three when the show began airing I can honestly--and proudly--say that I've never seen it, nor do I have an inclination to Netflix the series on DVD. Joan is now in her early 70's, Linda in her late 60's, too old to be my Mom, too young to be my Grandmother and so I'm sitting here this afternoon, not working on one of the eight shows we currently have on-sale, but wondering what ever I will say to Linda Evans when I go to pick her up at her hotel tomorrow and bring her back to the theatre for interviews. And, perhaps more importantly, I'm trying to avoid eating so that I will not be tempted to throw up all over a bona fide television star while riding in a limousine.

Forgetful?

2007-02-03T17:48:00.000-07:00

No, I haven't forgotten about my blog it's just that we're in the thick of it, as they say, at work right now. Today was my first day off in two weeks. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that when I work 14 hours a day I don't really feel like coming home and attempting to be witty. After next weekend things should return to relative normalness and hopefully I'll be able to return to my regularly scheduled blog-time.

Among the things you can look forward to: We have a show with Joan Collins and Linda Evans opening this week, I'll let you know how that goes; I hear they're quite...um, interesting?

Romantic

2007-01-24T20:58:00.000-07:00

My obsession with reading the personal ads on Craigslist has gotten really out of control. I could be a sociology project--seriously. But I digress... Have you ever noticed that men are FAR more romantic than women? I mean, I've never been one for romance and I always thought that would make my life easier in terms of dating, being that sentimentality is completely lost on me, but I'm starting to think that it could be the hindrance, because all these boys are coming off as a bunch of pansy-asses. Is that how guys really feel? Or, are they just saying that because that's what they think girls want to hear?

It's a question, comments are appreciated.

State

2007-01-23T20:51:00.000-07:00

There are four things in the world that interest me beyond all other things: theatre, movies, TV and politics. Surprisingly enough I've been interested in politics longer than all the others. To have Oscar nominations announced on the same day as the State of the Union might just be too much for me to handle. Even though I despise the current President I'm always interested in seeing the picture he paints of the country and then seeing how much of what he says becomes reality. I also love watching the facial expresions of all the high profile peeps in the Chamber during the speech and wondering what they're thinking. Here's what I've come up with tonight:

Ted Kennedy, while pushing his glasses off his nose and rubbing his eyes: I'm a fucking Kennedy and you're going to start talking about this shit, again? Two of my brothers were ASSASINATED and you think *I* don't want to fight terrorists? Fuck you. Pass the whiskey.

Hillary Clinton: That's right, bastard, in two years, that'll be me up there.

Barack Obama, sitting directly in front of Hillary rolling his eyes: Shit, in two years, that'll be Hillary up there.

Barney Frank: I haven't applauded this much since I saw Jennifer belt out "I'm Telling You" in Dreamgirls.

Nancy Pelosi: I'm so takin' you down, asshole.

Dick Cheney: Lynne made me wear this magenta tie; would you fuck with her?

Lynne Cheney: Laura's suit matches Dick's tie perfectly. Is there...? Could there be...? Nah, he'd never fuck with me.

Laura Bush: Do you like my dress? Nancy--Reagan not Pelosi-- told me to wear red, but I thought this dark pink was so much more flattering for TV, don't you agree? Isn't my husband cute?

Robert Byrd: If I have to stand up one more time I might fall over dead.

John McCain: Remember we practiced this, it's i-'räk...ear-rack. Oh yeah, he got it right. Woot, woot!

Okay, that was fun, but I'm tapped out. I realize that that's not remotely funny to a lot of people, but I was seriously cracking myself up with that shit. Ah well, If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?

Does anyone else find it odd that the President signs autographs on his way out of the Chamber? Weird. Who's there that needs his autograph outside of a bill for his consideration?

The best part of tonight: the opening line, "Madame Speaker..." Those are sweet words that have never before been spoken in that context. It's about damn time. Like her, or not, it's awesome to have a woman up there in old white man's land.

Nominations

2007-01-23T07:45:00.000-07:00

For as long as I can remember-- at least 10 years-- I've waited for the mid-winter's Tuesday when the Oscar nominations are announced. I consider having cable a necessity just to be able to see the live announcement. This morning was no exception as I rolled out of bed at 6:15--a feat generally reserved only for early morning flights. Here is a complete wrap up of the announcement. Look for more on my favorites and picks for the awards in the coming weeks.

Al Gore win's an Oscar? It's a definite possibility!

And the nominess are...

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Leonardo DiCaprio - BLOOD DIAMOND
Ryan Gosling - HALF NELSON
Peter O'Toole - VENUS
Will Smith - THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
Forest Whitaker - THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Arkin - LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Jackie Earle Haley - LITTLE CHILDREN
Djimon Hounsou - BLOOD DIAMOND
Eddie Murphy - DREAMGIRLS
Mark Wahlberg - THE DEPARTED

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Penélope Cruz - VOLVER
Judi Dench - NOTES ON A SCANDAL
Helen Mirren - THE QUEEN
Meryl Streep - THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
Kate Winslet - LITTLE CHILDREN

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Adriana Barraza - BABEL
Cate Blanchett - NOTES ON A SCANDAL
Abigail Breslin - LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Jennifer Hudson - DREAMGIRLS
Rinko Kikuchi - BABEL

Best animated feature film of the year
CARS
HAPPY FEET
MONSTER HOUSE

Achievement in art direction
DREAMGIRLS
THE GOOD SHEPHERD
PAN'S LABYRINTH
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST
THE PRESTIGE

Achievement in cinematography
THE BLACK DAHLIA
CHILDREN OF MEN
THE ILLUSIONIST
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE PRESTIGE

Achievement in costume design
CURSE OF THE GOLDEN FLOWER
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
DREAMGIRLS
MARIE ANTOINETTE
THE QUEEN

Achievement in directing
BABEL
THE DEPARTED
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
THE QUEEN
UNITED 93

Best documentary feature
DELIVER US FROM EVIL
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
IRAQ IN FRAGMENTS
JESUS CAMP
MY COUNTRY, MY COUNTRY

Best documentary short subject
THE BLOOD OF YINGZHOU DISTRICT
RECYCLED LIFE
REHEARSING A DREAM
TWO HANDS

Achievement in film editing
BABEL
BLOOD DIAMOND
CHILDREN OF MEN
THE DEPARTED
UNITED 93

Best foreign language film of the year
AFTER THE WEDDING
DAYS OF GLORY (INDIGÈNES)
THE LIVES OF OTHERS
PAN'S LABYRINTH
WATER

Achievement in makeup
APOCALYPTO
CLICK
PAN'S LABYRINTH

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
BABEL
THE GOOD GERMAN
NOTES ON A SCANDAL
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE QUEEN

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
"I Need to Wake Up" - AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
"Listen" - DREAMGIRLS
"Love You I Do" - DREAMGIRLS
"Our Town" - CARS
"Patience" - DREAMGIRLS

Best motion picture of the year
BABEL
THE DEPARTED
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
THE QUEEN

Best animated short film
THE DANISH POET
LIFTED
THE LITTLE MATCHGIRL
MAESTRO
NO TIME FOR NUTS

Best live action short film
BINTA AND THE GREAT IDEA (BINTA Y LA GRAN IDEA)
ÉRAMOS POCOS (ONE TOO MANY)
HELMER & SON
THE SAVIOUR
WEST BANK STORY

Achievement in sound editing
APOCALYPTO
BLOOD DIAMOND
FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST

Achievement in sound mixing
APOCALYPTO
BLOOD DIAMOND
DREAMGIRLS
FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST

Achievement in visual effects
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST
POSEIDON
SUPERMAN RETURNS

Adapted screenplay
BORAT CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN
CHILDREN OF MEN
THE DEPARTED
LITTLE CHILDREN
NOTES ON A SCANDAL

Original screenplay
BABEL
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE QUEEN

Remember

2007-01-17T21:19:00.000-07:00

I have a Sitemeter on this site, meaning that I can track who visits, how long they stay, what they look at, where they live and how they find me. Don't let that deter you from continuing to read; so I went a little big brother on your ass, who cares? I'm flattered that you are obsessed enough with me to continue to read (you know who you are) and I read a lot of people's blogs and My Space sites, too, knowing full-well that they know that I'm reading them (I never said I wasn't obsessive). Anyhow, the point is: lately I've been getting a lot of hits from this link and I couldn't figure out why. I didn't remember ever putting a picture of a shar pei up on my site, but then it hit me: the bags! Several months ago I found a link to a little shar pei puppy to describe the bags that had formed beneath my lower eyelids. It seems a little more than odd to me that that link now directly leads to my little corner of the world, especially since I've managed to get rid of the bags since I posted it. Oh well, more readers now means more advertising dollars later!

On that note, does anyone remember me ever referencing "American Idol?" I was asked to join a group of "Idol" bloggers today and I'll be damned if I can figure out how they knew I have become obsessed with yet another TV show--maybe they're somehow connected to my Tivo. :/

STOP!

2007-01-12T22:32:00.000-07:00

About a year ago a never-before-seen sight opened on Broadway: Sweeney Todd directed by John Doyle, which featured actors who simultaneously "acted" as musicians in this retelling of the story of the "Demon Barber of Fleet Street" (a personal favorite). Having seen the show I can attest to its uniqueness and creativity in telling this (in my opinion) timeless tale. Just one year later another venerable Sondheim-favorite, Company at the helm of the same prosaic director: John Doyle is the toast of Broadway. His "reinvention" of Amadeus (also using actor musicians) opened in London in mid-December, to some crtical acclaim.

Today's top story on Playbill is that Doyle's forthcoming production of Barnum at San Diego's Old Globe, featuring, yet again, actor musicians has been cancelled due to "rights issues." Having seen two of these three current incarnations I can honestly say: "Thank God!" Yes, your idea was "ingenious" for its time and yes, we all thought the gimmick was entertaining, we enjoyed your take on the dark musical, Sweeney Todd, and we thought Raul Esparza was particularly remarkable during his interpretation of "Being Alive." We all think that you're an accomplished director; you won a Tony...what else do you want?! Enough is enough. Using actor musicians does NOT work for every show, nor is it an effective way to tell the story. Quit while you're ahead, yo, we'll remember you with fondness as you disappear into the annals of American theatre.

DNC

2007-01-11T20:25:00.000-07:00

Well, folks, it appears that for once, to a certain number of people, Denver is more attractive than New York. Yes, yes, it's hard to believe, I realize, but it's true as today Howard Dean, Chairman of the DNC, announced that the 2008 Convention will be held in our fair Mile High City, beating out New York in its bid to host a convention for the second time in a row.

The City's been abuzz about the prospect for several months and the announcement was delayed from December until January for some "unknown" reason. It can hardly be considered irony that after eight years of rule under a big R Republican, Bill Owens, the City's bid for the convention was announced a mere 48 hours after the inauguration of big D Democrat Bill Ritter in the state's top spot. The Quigg Newton Memorial Auditorium (now the Ellie Caulkins Opera House) opened its doors in 1908, to, you guessed it, host the Democratic National Convention--another nice synergy, don't you think so?

In 1970 Denver was announced as host city of the 1976 Olympic Winter Games. Then state assemblyman,--and future Governor-- Dick Lamm, led a movement that would allow for the residents of Denver to vote on the $5 million bond issue to raise the money necessary to finance the Games. Almost needless to say, the citizens did not pass the bill and the Games went to Innsbruck, Austria (after an offer to Whistler, British Columbia, Canada). It seems that the today's announcement has allowed citizens to harken back to this "incident," which occured nearly 40 years ago. Citing everything from the inability to raise the $70 million needed to finance the convention, to the traffic nightmares that are sure to ensue, to the influx of Texans and Californians that will most likely flock to our state following five days of television saturation. What they seem to be forgetting is that five days of a long-er commute, heightened security and a year and a half of glad-handing while begging for cash will ultimately bring only good to our abode. Tourism will thrive, convention business will boom and the influx of people moving to our state will only strengthen our real estate market. It's a win-win situation, in my opinion. And, yes, I would say this if this were the Republican convention, too, because it's good for the City and I'm not only a big D Democrat, but a big D Denverite, too!

Greedy

2006-12-29T11:45:00.000-07:00

So, there's another storm. It's not *as* bad as the last one, but it's bad enough that I'm in for the day and working from home (clearly). They keep saying that the storm is coming in in pieces and so the next "piece" is going to blast us this afternoon and evening. If I wanted to get out right now, I could, but I don't so why would I? We have yet to cancel performances this week, which is a good thing. I don't want to sound greedy,--though, I do work in marketing, so I guess I am--but the roads are passable, the buses and light rail are running, if you can't get to the show that's not my fault. I hate to sound heartless, because really I'm not; I am a lover of the theatre and if I held tickets to one of tonight's performances I'd be there, come hell or high water....er, snow. The alternative: it's the end of the year, donate your ticket back to the Center and get the tax deduction, it's all for a good cause.

Coming

2006-12-26T23:02:00.000-07:00

Somehow during last week's blizzard I managed to settle down and start having fun with being stuck at home. Afterall, those are the kinds of days you wait for living here. When you are forced to stay in with only "blizzard food"-- food you never let yourself buy under any other circumstance (in my case Oreo's and Pillsbury Toaster Strudel)-- and enjoy the sanctity of home. Where all you can do is read or watch TV or surf the 'Net and you don't feel guilty about sitting on your ass for 12 hours in between the times you're sleeping. It's good fun and it doesn't happen enough. Somehow amidst the fear of losing electricity, or worrying that the roof was going to cave in, or wondering how the hell I would ever get my car out of the alley I settled in to my cozy home and began to love being snowbound. Getting back to reality wasn't so hard, because it was only one week day and then a four day holiday, but tonight as I got ready to go back to work: finishing laundry and attempting to tuck myself in early after watching the 10:00 news, I find myself anxious and nervous and yet somehow excited all over again.

It seems that after getting blasted with a mere two feet of snow last Wednesday and Thursday wasn't enough and so Mother Nature has decided to send another whopper of a storm in our direction. Nick Carter on 9 News is not comfortable predicting snow totals at this point, but another station is reporting accumulations in the 8"-12" range. That in and of itself might be bearable and not so bad, but that on top of what is currently on the ground could wind up being pretty rough. And so, tonight instead of sleeping I'm making a mental list of what provisions should be bought tomorrow at the grocery store in preparation for what just might be the "Great New Year's Blizzard of '07" and hoping the predictions are false. Couldn't we just save up this storm and have it in maybe March or April when there aren't free days off looming already?

Surprise

2006-12-22T23:38:00.000-07:00

I e-mailed the Director of Communications for the CSO this morning to ask her if there was anyway the soloists for Too Hot to Handel would make it in for either performance this weekend. She said it absolutely wasn't going to happen, but that they'd gotten great local fill-ins and the show would be as fantastic as ever. As my last post indicated I was disappointed, but still looking forward to the concert. So, you can imagine my absolute surprise and delight (to use a Starbucks buzz phrase) when the concert began and after the Concert Master took his place he was followed onto the stage by the one and only Lillias White. Not only was Lillias as fabulous as ever on the Soprano parts, but she filled in seamlessly for the missing Tenor, Thomas Young, reducing the concert hall to tears only to lift them up to the point where people leapt from their seats mid-performance. More Lillias singing, more Lillias to love. I can hardly wait for tomorrow night!

Disappointment

2006-12-22T13:37:00.000-07:00

I wish I'd brought my dinosaur camera on my commute to the office today. The photos would be unbelievable. I hiked three blocks to the bus stop, thinking I'd be totally late to catch a bus that only comes once an hour. I guess I didn't realize that I'd have to be a trained mountain climber in order to get out of my neighborhood. I managed to get there in time to see the bus heading my direction. When I got off on the 16th Street Mall downtown most of the sidewalks were clear, but crossing the street was a nightmare. The snow was waist deep on every corner. It was barely manageable. I walked in the middle of the street for most of the way to the Center. There have been bulldozers filling dump trucks with snow on all the streets surrounding the Arts Complex this morning, trying to keep the streets and sidewalks clear. This is traditionally one of the busiest weekend's of the year in the Complex-- with 10,000 sold-out seats--I wonder how many people will be a no-show's.

The day has been harried and hectic. In total we canceled nine performances, equating to thousands of displaced patrons (and who knows, at this point, how many hundreds of thousands of dollars in lost revenue), angry that they can't come to see shows that were already sold-out. I can just imagine how bad it is for the airlines-- Frontier alone says the storm displaced 64,000 passengers. To make matters worse for us our phone lines keep going down and kicking people out of queue. It's a mess, but we're pulling through. The worst part is that I feel totally helpless. Due to the box office union I can't just jump on the phones and help out--it's awful.

To top it all off: my all-time favorite performance piece, Too Hot To Handel, performed by the Colorado Symphony Orchestra is tonight and tomorrow night. They usually do two to three performances of this piece each holiday season. I have been attending each and every performance for more than five years now. I cannot begin to express how much I love this symphony--it's simply my all-time favorite performance piece. I'd rather hear this symphony performed live than sit through any Broadway show I've ever seen; and that, my friends, is saying something. Unfortunately the three soloists scheduled are all out-of-towners and have been unable to get to Denver. Apparently they will be moving forward as scheduled with a local cast, but it simply will not be the same without Lillas and Thomas, quite simply two of the best vocalists I've ever heard. The silver lining is that Marin has been, and remains, in-town to conduct. Still, I've been waiting all year for this concert and I can't hide my own arts patron frustration and disappointment.

Solstice

2006-12-21T09:08:00.000-07:00

You can definitely tell it's the first day of winter here in Denver! The snow hasn't stopped in over 24 hours and it's supposed to keep on comin' until noon. We cancelled all performances again today--definitely a first.

I thought all you out-of-town'ers might like to see some photos.

This is the corner I live on. There's no traffic on the road today, as you might imagine. :)

I stepped out past my sidewalk to get the next shot and was suprised to find that in the areas I haven't shoveled the snow was up my thigh.

Facing South from the front of my house. It might be hard to believe, but we took turns shoveling the sidewalks all day yesterday--you certainly wouldn't know it now!

More pictures and updates to follow.

Blizzard

2006-12-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

Being a grown-up and having a blizzard is not nearly as much fun as it is when you're younger. Even when we had the '03 blizzard it was fun because I didn't have to worry about anything. I was sort of over my job at the time, had friends around me and plenty of good junk food. I didn't mind that my car completely disappeared amongst the 32" of wet spring snow and I wasn't worried about trying to get my car un-stuck and and then driving on treacherous roads. I didn't worry about not having candles or flashlights or not having heat. I didn't worry that I'd run out of cat food or Diet Dr. Pepper. I was carefree and in it for the fun; much more childlike than I am this go-round.

The city (much of the state actually) woke up this morning to a much larger storm than I think anyone actually expected. It was predicted, we knew it was coming, but did we really *know* what it meant? This storm is a monster. It's churning counter-clockwise like a hurricane fueled by a ferocious 40-45 MPH Northerly wind. Constantly hitting the mountains and dumping on the I-25 corridor and the front range. It's blisteringly cold and the snow won't stop.

I talked to my boss at 8:30 this morning who instructed me to just work from home until further notice. We were supposed to have a show opening this evening and while initially we thought that the "show must go on" that all changed when the Governor declared a state of emergency. All four shows scheduled for this evening were cancelled: a feat that nobody remembers ever really happening before. I spent the day on my laptop worrrying about losing electicity, whether or not the roof on my house would stand the pressure of the snow and attempting to keep my sidewalk clear by shoveling every half an hour to an hour. Not exactly my idea of fun.

The snow is expected to continue falling at a rate of 1"-2" per hour until noon tomorrow. I don't see how it's at all possible that we'll be getting out and onto the roads in the morning. I think for now I'll go snuggle in for a long winter's nap and hope to stop dreaming of a "White Christmas;" I think that's a done deal at this point.

R.I.P.

2006-12-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

We never lived in any really big cities when I was growing up and for a few years in elementary school we lived six miles outside of Leadville, CO (itself a small town) on a couple of acres, across the highway from a small lake in a house where the view from our living room was of Mt. Elbert, the tallest mountain in Colorado. Mom never wanted to put up blinds or curtains because the view was too beautiful to cover up. The propane tank was in the backyard. It provided the energy for us to fuel our house, but for my brother and I it also offered an exam table of a certain sort. We'd climb up on the tank and conduct experiments of many different sorts, including, one time, the "dissection" of a dead mouse we found on the property, which had no doubt been caught by our "ferocious" orange tabby cat, Tiger. I tell this story in an attempt to prove that I'm not a girly girl. I considered myself a tomboy for much of my life, though I've softened a bit in my old age. I'm not squeamish, nor am I particularly bothered by most things others might find disturbing.

I got home pretty late tonight after some more shopping and came into the dark, cold house while on the phone with my mom. I dropped my bags and flipped on the light to see Linus crouched in the middle of the floor with something flopping on the floor near his mouth. I was distracted by Mom telling me about her Christmas shopping and then I realized what was going on and interrupted her with a quick, "oh my god. Oh My God. OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!" in a steep crescendo when I realized that it was a mouse. Yes, folks, my skittish, yet inquisitive and playful cat had caught himself a mouse...in my house! When I first saw it the mouse was still alive and squirming on the floor. I was completely freaked out by the whole thing and didn't know what to do. I just kept screeching into the phone as Linus was still trying to play with the mouse. It was quite clear that the mouse was not going to make it. What do you do with a dead mouse? I finallly--with Mom's help-- got my wits about me and got the dead rodent (complete with Linus's teeth marks in its belly) into a plastic bag where it squealed every so quietly and then was silent. Then I walked it outside and threw it away.

I am shaking just writing this post as this was one of the most unpleasant things I've ever experienced. I'm worried that there are more mice and I don't know how to keep them from getting in. This house was built in 1908, it's old and decrepit and a quick search on Google tells me that an ordinary house mouse can fit through a hole that a pencil will fit in! There are holes all over this house, and I don't even know where they lead. I'm sure that poor little mouse just got cold tonight, as the temperature drops and the snow moves in. I bet he couldn't ever have imagined that the cat who's afraid of the phone ringing would ever be the cause of his demise.

R.I.P. little brown mouse. Way to go, Linus.

Cards

2006-12-18T23:38:00.000-07:00

One of the things about Christmas that I've always liked is the cards. I've sent out Christmas cards for probably close to ten years and it used to be that it'd take me weeks to get them all written out, addressed and in the mail. I'd write personal notes to everyone, updating them on the past year and inquiring about theirs. I always use red or green ink and hand-write every note; no cheesy update letter here. I always order my cards from Unicef and they're not cheap (usually about $12 for a box of 10), but I like the sentiments they carry and I like that my money goes to a good organization. After this year I'm starting to rethink cards all-together.

This year I managed to get my cards in the mail in time for them to arrive at most desintations before the official holiday, but I wrote nothing aside from "Merry Christmas" (yes, I chose this greeting above the more P.C. "Happy Holidays") and a scrawl of my name. Of course, who'd really be interested to know that Linus got deathly ill in July but pulled through or that Millie is quite content to lounge 24/7 in front of the heat register or better yet that I work about 70 hours every week and write on my blog in an attempt to "do something new." You're right; nobody cares about that, and quite frankly I don't want to write about it. I used to send out more than 100 cards, carefully e-mailing everyone to make sure I had the correct address, but this year the final count was 29. 29. That's it. 29 people who I thought might like to hear from me. And, better yet, at least ten of those cards went to family members (or like-family members) with whom I never speak the rest of the year: namely my three cousins on my Dad's side, their parents and my Stepmom's family who I've not spoken to since I moved out of Dads house when I was 15. Sad. I'm not sure why I decided that they were finally worth the $.39 when I can't seem to convince myself of that the rest of the year. I'm pathetic.

In recent years, Christmas cards have also reminded me that I'm both old and a spinster. I know that because each January my refrigerator is cluttered with holiday photos of my dear friends and their spouses and children (are we even old enough to get married?!). I love getting the picture cards, but there's nothing that makes you feel more out of place than knowing that your friends have had a year interesting enough that it can be documented only by a photo (which, as you know, speaks a thousand words) and you can barely muster a "Merry Christmas."

Merry Christmas.

Reason

2006-12-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

Several months ago after a rant on this blog about lacking topics my friend, Leslie, sent me an e-mail with a bunch of ideas. One of them was "how can we really support our troops?" I never intended to post on this topic, because, well, my opinion on that is complicated, but this evening as I was wrapping up gifts and sealing boxes with packing tape I was on the hunt for something to entertain me. I decided to watch my all-time favorite episode of "The West Wing": the Christmas show from the first season, "In Excelsis Deo." The central story of this episode surrounds a homeless Korean war veteran who dies from exposure near the Washington monument. Toby (by far my favorite character) is called because the veteran was wearing a coat he'd donated to Goodwill and his business card was in the pocket. Toby is apalled by the treatment of this true American hero, the winner of a purple heart. He sets out on a quest to find someone who knows this man and to make sure he's given a proper burial. After locating his brother (also a homeless Vet) and dropping some names (including the President's) Toby makes sure that this nameless, faceless man who lived the last days of his life without honor or dignity was treated in the reverse upon his death. I've seen this show at least two dozen times and it doesn't matter if I watch it at Christmastime or in June I cry everytime.

Tonight as I watched the show, wrapping presents for my family and tying ribbons around my "secret santa" gift for work my head was swimming with the thought of the thousands of American soldiers current serving away from their families, their friends and their lives. I realized that in 50 years they could be that vet ravaged by war, who dies, unknown, because they don't have a save place to sleep. While I don't believe that this war is right or justified I still support our troops who are overseas (and in this country) doing their jobs, whether they agree with it or not.

Never having been a "soldier" I don't know what we can do that would make them feel truly supported, but I hope that they know that we all: Democrats and Republicans, men, women and children, we ALL support and appreciate them everyday and want them to come home safely.

On that note, my mom sent me this link a couple weeks ago. I encourage you all to check it out and send a message to one of our service personnel abroad letting them know that you appreciate them, too.

Little

2006-12-16T23:45:00.000-07:00

About a year ago I heard someone at work talking about a show on TLC called "Little People Big World." It chronicles the life of a family of little people (well half of them are, anyway) living and working and raising their children on their farm in Oregon. Sounds like a pretty simple premise and I wondered how it could be *that* interesting, but I started watching it, nonetheless, and was pretty much hooked instantly. In this year of disappointing television shows I've found that it's the only show I pull off of Tivo in a timely fashion. At so many times I feel like I'm a part of the Roloff family.

In October I saw a story on one of the many websites I read daily that Jacob Roloff (the family's youngest member) was injured in an accident involving a trebuchet during pumpkin season. Since it's a reality show, there is a lag in shows hitting the air, so I knew it'd be awhile before we saw "that episode" and then the story got so much media attention that I wondered if they'd even show that as a part of the storyline, or if they'd gloss over it all-together.

Today there was a "Little People Big World" marathon followed by the season finale. At the end of the show they were teasing the new season with a two minute clip from the next episode. It was very dramatic camera work, crafty editing and that faint, haunting heartbeat in the background. Everyone who watches the show knew exactly what was coming next, because we all know about "the incident" and then it went to black and said "Coming Next March." MARCH?! You're going to make us wait 'til March to see a story about something that happened in October?! This is so distressing to me. The only two shows I watch anymore with any sort of regularity are both over for the season and I'm despressed. I guess I'll just need to get caught up on movies in time to win the big Oscar pool this year.

Slacker

2006-12-12T23:27:00.000-07:00

GOSH! I'm a such a slacker. I have so many things to say and so little time to say it. I *promise* regular updates will ensue once the work/holiday/family madness subsides.

Vacant

2006-12-04T22:44:00.000-07:00

Yes, folks, I'm still alive and breathing---I think. I apologize for not posting more regularly, I feel like I'm drowning in work. But, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...except for all the Christmas shopping I have to do. I've made it my goal to do 100% of my shopping online, preferrably from my desk at work. Just kidding, of course, with the amount of work I've got to do and the millions of dollars we need to bring in this month, I doubt there'll be much shopping going on from my desk. I'm just thankful I generally despise this time of year and don't participate in much of the holiday hoopla that surrounds it; makes my life a little simpler... a little.

There is much happening this week some of which you all may be interested in hearing so I'll be sure to update as warranted and as time permits.

Thanks for your patience.

Craigslist

2006-11-27T22:12:00.000-07:00

I'm not one for online dating. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not one for dating. Period. In high school my friends were convinced that I'd be the first one to get married, because I was always the last one you'd find out with a boy on a Friday night. I'm not sure how being socially awkward led them to believe I'd be a baby bride, but that's neither here nor there, because they were all wrong anyway. I'm on my way to spinster status; ready or not, here I come.

My love of all things Craigslist has led me, on ocassion, to surf the personal ads. I usually do this when I'm beyond bored (like tonight), and could use a good laugh (like tonight). I have never been persuaded by a posting to actually write an e-mail to anyone, I mostly like to point, click and stare. I am constantly amazed by the unreasonable, hopeless and nearly impossible demands of men out there, but women, too, are not exempt from this. I guess I'm surprised that people who must "resort" (for lack of a better word) to posting a free personal ad on the Internet then have the nerve to be so damn demanding. I mean, if you're looking for a girl who: enjoys the outdoors, sports, bar hopping and dancing has an eclectic taste in music, and "takes pride in her appearance" then are you really going to find her sitting on the other end of an Internet connection? Sure, I've heard the success stories, we all have. I'm sure many of you reading this post have them, I'm not saying they don't exist, I'm just posing the question.

Obviously I'm not any sort of a relationship expert, or anything, I'm more the other end of the spectrum, but this seems sort of backwards to me. Is it just me, or wouldn't we all get a lot further if we were more open-minded and pro-active in making connections in our day-to-day lives? Take one look at the missed connections (a personal daily vice) and you'll see that a good number of us wish we were bolder as we find our ways through daily life in the city.

Then again, maybe I'm just bitter because I've yet to stumble across the post that says: "...seeks a prematurely graying, curly haired, chubby work-a-holic with an insatiable flair for musical theatre, the Internet, Politics and 'The West Wing.'" Yeah, I'm sure that's the only reason I'm bitter.

Pensive

2006-11-25T23:16:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I get into this irrationally pensive mood. One where I feel like I'm on the verge of tears and I can't quite get out of my head. Tonight's one of those nights. I'm not particularly sad, or depressed, and nothing is specifically bothering me, though I'm sure it doesn't help that I don't feel that great either. I'm sort of stuck in this strange head-space, where I can't stop thinking about all the things I wish I had in my life and all the things I do have that I wish I didn't. I'm uncomfortable, slightly bored, jittery, edgy, nostalgic and lonely. This is generally the kind of night where I'd turn off the computer, wrap myself in a blanket and watch The American President or back-to-back-to-back episodes of "The West Wing" in the dark of my living room with a glass of wine, but even that doesn't sound appealing. I'm not tired due to my power nap when I got home from work, don't feel like cleaning or starting that online Christmas shopping. I've been reading and listening to depressing music for the last hour and that's getting old now, too. I'm just generally inconsolable and I sure hope this passes soon, because I can hardly stand to be around myself.

Shopping

2006-11-24T12:40:00.000-07:00

So, Thanksgiving is over and the craziness of Christmas ensues. I turned on the radio this morning and my ears were met with the onslaught of Christmas music. It seems unbelievable to me that it's "that time of year" again. I managed to avoid "Black Friday" shopping, which I'm not sure is a good thing; there are some major deals to be had on this sacred day, capitalism at its finest. Unfortunately, my shopping budget doesn't allow me to buy plasma TV's, even if they are discounted by $1,000.

Despite my general distaste for the holidays I actually enjoy the shopping part. I like buying things for other people and I LOVE writing Christmas cards...though in past year's they've become more like New Year's cards. I had grand plans for this weekend: I was going to make my list, check it twice, and then at least get a headstart by shopping online, from the comfort of my living room. That hasn't so much happened yet, but I guess technically I do have two more days. My shopping generally starts on December 23, but this year I'm determined to be done by then. I guess I'd consider myself successful if I manage to send my niece's gifts before August---which is how long it took me this year. If I pull that kind of crap when she's old enough to "get it" she's going to think her aunt's a bigger slacker than her uncle....and that is saying something.

Thanks

2006-11-23T13:53:00.000-07:00

I don't like holidays. Particularly Thanksgiving, but Christmas is a close second. I appreciate the sentiments of these "holidays" but the hype, the deluge of food, the family... it's all just overwhelming and ultimately becomes a major let down.

When I was a child I was incorrigibly negative and confrontation. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I heard "If you can't say anything nice..." A couple years ago my sister and I got into a wicked fight at Thanksgiving dinner and in the heat of the moment I said, "I'm never spending Thanksgiving with you ever again." At the time it was an emotional statement that I may not have meant, but when the next year rolled around the inevitable family drama was enough to keep me away. I kept hearing my mom's voice, "if you can't say anything nice..." so I decided to "not say anything at all" and I stayed home.

I've now successfully avoided family drama at Thanksgiving for three years running. I'm quite content to spend Thanksgiving day clearing out the Tivo and eating Dorito's directly from the bag, but when you tell people this is what you're doing they tend to pity you. I must've gotten no less than half a dozen invitations to dinner/drinking binges, and I turned them all down (admittedly with a sense of guilt). It's not that I don't have a place to go, it's that I choose to do something different. My decision to spend my holiday differently than others doesn't mean that the sentiment of Thanksgiving is lost on me, however. I am thankful for my family, my friends and my freedom; I love them all, but I think they'll be more thankful for me if I stay away for the celebrations.

Recognized

2006-11-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

At Starbucks we were taught to recognize our customers by name. Several years ago they actually started a program where we were supposed to write customers' names on the cups when taking their order. While, in theory this is a good idea, in reality it's a little weird. Nobody wants to walk into a Starbucks for his/her Venti, Vanilla, Breve, No Foam, Extra Hot Latte and then admit their name; it's like admitting that a real human being would actually drink that beverage! Still, it's a tenant of good customer service to recognize customers by name or, in this case, beverage. In Starbucks terms it creates "The Third Place," a comfortable place where you feel welcomed and appreciated.

There's a little convenience store on 38th and Irving that I tend to pop into to pick up random "convenience" (read: unmentionable legal addictive stimulants) items. I don't go there all the time, but apparently I have appeared enough to "make a name for myself" because tonight when I stopped in the guy behind the counter, who I take to be the owner, said, "Where you been, girl? Haven't seen you in awhile?"

"Yeah, I've been out of town." I said, digging in my wallet, avoiding eye contact.

"Where you been?" he asked.

"New York." I said

"Ah, you didn't tell me you were going out of town. I was almost worried since I hadn't seen you." He said.

"No? Well, sorry, next time I'll be sure to run it by you." I said grabbing my change as I bolted towards the door.

While I realize that this guy was trying to recognize me for being a "regular" customer and therefore important to his business I can't help but be slightly weirded out by the whole experience. Am I irregular or would this experience freak-out anyone else, despite what his/her customer service experience has taught?

Baking

2006-11-22T08:23:00.000-07:00

Every year about this time I get an urge to bake. This year Mary and I special ordered a dozen bags of Hershey's Cinnamon Chips (Mary, I think I still owe you for those) which are way harder to find than they should be (hence the need to buy in bulk). They make the most absolutely divine Oatmeal Cinnamon Chip Cookies...and the chips are irreplaceable. Last night, I got home reasonably early, cooked dinner and still had an urge to stay in the kitchen, so I decided to break out the cookie sheets and get an early start on holiday baking (it couldn't hurt to "butter up" my boss before Thanksgiving, either). As I was dropping the stiff dough onto parchment paper, scraping the bowl to get every last drop of batter, I remembered watching Mom make homemade noodles when I was a kid; sneaking them from beneath the pastry cloth as they sat on the counter and hoping that she'd neglect to get a glob from the mixing bowl, so I could eat the goo. But, tonight I realized I'd crossed the threshold from child to adult as I took painstaking care to make sure every last oat stuck to the side of the bowl would ultimately transformed into a cookie, not just eaten in its raw form.

Living

2006-11-21T20:29:00.000-07:00

New York City is unlike any other place I've ever been or probably ever will be. It's a world unto itself. The people in New York tend to think that the world revolves around the 31.2 square miles of the island of Manhattan which couldn't be further from the truth. Manhattanites are just secluded from the rest of the world; they are oblivious to the rest of the country. Do they even realize that the rest of the U.S. population doesn't have to pay $4 for a four-pack of toilet paper, or $15 for the fixin's for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

Despite the high rent, long commutes, non-existent grocery stores, unavoidable walking and stair climbing and more tourists than any single group of people should have to deal with New York is, to me, absolutely magical. A place that transfixed my imagination for 15 years before I ever set foot on its shores. On my first visit to the city I actually cried walking up out of the subway into the madness of Times Square. Incidentally, this is a part of the City I'd now avoid like the plague if it weren't for the dozens of theatres that line the sidewalks.

I wanted to live in New York even before I'd ever visited, but once I'd visited my dream became on obsession. I frequently make decisions that could affect me in the long-run based on my future residence in the big city....though, obviously, I've yet to make that leap. Every time I visit I have this moment in the first 24 hours where I think to myself, "What the hell are you thinking?! Do you really think you could live here? Really?!" And then just one short cab ride up Broadway past Lincoln Center, past Tavern on the Green and through Central Park at midnight instantly brings me back to the "reality" of dreaming of my future life as a New Yorker.

Blogging

2006-11-20T20:59:00.000-07:00

I just spent four days in New York attending a conference. At many points of each of the days I spent in The Big Apple (my favorite place in the world), I would have thoughts about writing on this blog: whether it was the weather, the smells, the sounds, the shows, the company, the conference, whatever might've crossed my mind, but I had no access to a computer for a length of time appropriate to post. And now I'm home with plenty of time and I can't decide on anything fit for public consumption. I'm sure it'll hit me soon enough, so stay tuned.

Bags

2006-11-14T22:14:00.000-07:00

I love bags. Bags are goodness. I own a good number of bags, but unlike many of my friends I don't really see myself ever buying an expensive bag. I probably wouldn't buy a Coach or a Kate Spade, though I certainly understand why others do. Yeah, I'm cheap, but besides that, I'd simply be afraid to carry a bag worth two days' salary. I change the bag I carry with me on an almost daily basis. I try to match the bag with the shoes and the belt--the whole nine yards--though frequently I fail miserably. Being a lover of the practical I have a weakness for messenger bags or really any bag made of nylon or canvas. Manhattan Portage are my favorite. I generally buy a new one on each visit to New York, automatically building additional $50 into my trip budget.

I prefer bags with long straps that I can sling across my body, but about three years ago I realized that big bags filled with papers and books and credit cards and pens galore were really doing some damage to my right shoulder. The solution, I decided, was to begin carrying a smaller bag. I had some success with this for a short time, but eventually the papers and books and brochures and heralds and agendas and calendars and notepads... well, they all add up and a big bag is the only thing that will do the trick.

I went to a meeting today where we're asked to bring promotional materials for all our upcoming events. I'd love to reveal our budget numbers for the five, yes five, shows we have going on during the month of December, but I'm fairly certain that posting those numbers would be frowned upon, so let's just say: WE HAVE FIVE SHOWS IN THE MONTH OF DECEMBER! Sufficed to say, we have to make a lot of money. I was more than happy to bring heralds for each of the five (a captive audience is an easy target for sales) as well as our super-fantastic, absolutely brilliant brochure for the 2007 season (yeah, it was my project, but it really *is* brilliant). All that aside, when I gathered together materials for 30-40 people and tried to stuff them in my purse (an actual purse today, not a messenger bag), I realized that there was no way that they would all fit. While I was walking to the meeting and juggling arms full of paper in 40 MPH winds, I realized why women who work in marketing and PR carry such large bags: because they have to, it's necessary for the job. Perhaps my early love of big bags and resent for the back problems they cause were indicative of my career path. But, then again, maybe I just carry too much crap.

Happiness

2006-11-13T23:00:00.000-07:00

Happiness is coming home from a long, shitty day after a not-long-enough, shitty weekend and finding that Tivo has recorded your favorite episode of "The West Wing" so you can watch it without having to get up and put the DVD in the DVD player.

Cable

2006-11-10T22:47:00.000-07:00

I've always thought digital cable was just plain stupid. I mean, sure, the picture is clearer and all, but unless you have an HD TV can't you just survive with the regular ol' stuff? I mean, seriously, who needs 600 channels and when do you ever have time to watch them all? Stupid.

When I moved into this house the digital cable was already connected and rather than disconnecting it only to reconnect it in my name Mom and I just decided to leave it the way it was currently set up. Afterall, I had all the channels of necessity: USA, TLC, CNN & MSNBC, plus the requisite TNN & TBS for Saturday "Sloth" day and the price was reasonable (actually, cheap), so I was good to go.

Last night I switched over to MSNBC at 10 sharp to catch "Countdown" and got a strange message: "Channel Not Found. MSNBC. Press info for ordering information." I switched off the cable box, reset it and the Tivo all to no avail. The strangest part of this was that in my bedroom, where there was no digital cable box, all the lower channels came in fine, including all the aforementioned necessities. I figured it was a burb in the system and dismissed it.

Tonight I got home from work fairly late, after a long hellish day, only to find that the same missing channels were still "unavailable." I was pushed to the brink of being a complete bitch today by a patron and decided I wasn't going to let Comcast fuck with me so I called to complain and have the error fixed. The first person I got told me that I subscribed only to the basic service and that those channels were not part of my package.

"But I've had this account for nearly four years..." I said.

"Well, that may be but the technician must have made a mistake. I can reconnect those channels for you, but it will be an additional $30 a month."

I told her I needed to consult my bill and see what was going on and that I'd call back...which I did.

The second person was really nice, but told me the same thing: "it was a technician error and that for the last three and a half years I've [my mom] been getting channels to which we didn't subscribe and that recently an "audit team" had visited my neighborhood and found the error."

"Well, that may be the case," I said, "but that's not my fault."

"It certainly isn't your fault, but if you want to continue receiving them you'll need to upgrade your package. The difference in price is roughly $30."

I could hardly get mad. I mean, I've known Mom had a screamin' deal and it certainly makes sense that Comcast screwed up for what she's been paying. I just politely said, "thank you" and hung up the phone.

At first I was freaked out. I mean, how could I possibly live without access to "Little People, Big World" or "Countdown" (especially "Countdown")? But, then in the back of my mind I had an idea... what if I bypassed the digital cable box and just connected it from the wall? It was giving me the channels that way in my bedroom. So, I gave it a try and guess what, folks? It worked! The picture is not as clear as with the digital box, but Tivo will not have a problem changing the channels this way AND I can watch Keith to my heart's content. I guess we successfully bucked the system for nearly four years, who's to say we can't do it for four more?

Insomnia

2006-11-09T21:43:00.000-07:00

Since I got home from Seattle on Sunday evening I've had a hard time sleeping. After three nights of being up until after 3 am and being up by 7:30 am I figured I needed to do whatever I had to do to get some sleep last night.

A couple months ago I heard a story on the radio about how if you put socks on kids' feet when they go to bed they fall asleep more quickly. A couple of the hosts of the show tried this for a few nights and determined that it was true for them too. So I figured, ah what the heck, and gave it a try. I used to wear socks to sleep all the time, but at some point abandoned the practice. After last night's experience I must admit that I will be a loyal sock-wearing sleeper from here on out. I fell asleep in less than ten minutes and didn't wake up until the first alarm at 7:15.

I know a lot of people who are fans of "the PM's": Tylenol PM, Advil PM, Lunesta, Ambien and I will be recommending the sock trick to them. It could be a pleasant surprise.

Midterm

2006-11-07T22:19:00.000-07:00

Here are some incomplete thoughts on this election. I've bulleted them, because trying to put them into flowy language would be challenging for me right now:

I am DISGUSTED and embarassed to live in a state that would actually choose (by popular vote) to do the following:
- File a lawsuit against the Federal Government to force repayment for costs associated with illegal immigration. It's in the f'ing U.S. Constitution people, a state cannot sue the Federal government. Oh, yeah, vote to break the law--that makes a whole lot of sense.
- Vote to include in the State Constitution verbiage that defines marriage as being "between a man and a woman." Can someone please explain to me how two women, or two men being married (which is not currently proposed) affects your or your parents, or your neighbors of simply the institution of marriage?
- Vote to exclude domestic partners from receiving basic legal rights. What did the Gays ever do to you? Are they not human? Do they not deserve the same rights as everyone else?
- Re-elect two of the biggest hate mongers I've ever seen: Tom Tancredo and Marilyn Musgrave. (the Musgrave race is still pending, though. Angie Paccione might pull it off---fingers crossed. Update to follow).
Voting issues. Did we not fucking learn anything from Florida and then Ohio? It's the 21st Century folks, technology shouldn't cause this many problems. On that note, I love our Mayor, check out his comments about the problems here in Denver here.
A woman Speaker of the House?! Hell's yeah. That's going to make for a pretty picture come the State of the Union. Dumb, Dumber and Nancy Pelosi. Priceless.
A Democrat controlled House for the last two years of Dubya's reign. He's scared and Cheney is clutching his heart just thinking about it. Lame Duck indeed.
George Allen defeated? It's possible though we likely won't know the outcome for some time. He was considered a Republican front-runner for the '08 run for the President. Nah, nah, nah, nah...nah, nah, nah, nah... hey, hey, hey---GOOD BYE!
Joe Lieberman. This man is an f'ing joke. He's wishy washy, a fucking sympathizer and a fair-weather friend. I didn't like him when Gore chose him, I don't like him now. He stole a blue seat---and still calls himself a Democrat. Fuck him. I'm glad I don't live in Connecticut.
Hillary wins in a landslide--I'm saying it now folks: Clinton/Obama in '08---that is a sexy ticket in a smart way, of course.
An entire night of Keith Olbermann. Uh, yeah!

Seven

2006-11-07T21:44:00.000-07:00

It was a big night for me folks. No, I'm not talking about the election (more on that to come soon). The seventh and final season of "The West Wing" was released on DVD and thus my collection is complete.

The most exciting part: I finally cleared out the Tivo tonight of all of season seven. My 40-hour recording capacity is available again. Though, "Studio 60..." is quickly stacking up. Wonder when that DVD release date is...

Spontaneous

2006-11-06T01:38:00.000-07:00

If you know me at all you know I'm not particularly spontaneous. I'm the queen of lists and organization and I like to have a plan...for everything. So, that makes the fact that at 6:55 on Friday night I decided that I'd leave for a quick weekend trip to Seattle to visit some friends on Saturday afternoon (Mike & Mary: I love you!). I'd like to say that details of the excursion are coming soon, but there's little on which to report--unless you want to hear about the differences between me as a single city gal and my friends who are a happily married, suburban couple with a seven-month old daughter.

Okay, you've got me; that's fodder ripe for blog posting. Stay tuned.

Rosie

2006-10-30T22:21:00.000-07:00

In a past life I was somewhat obsessed with Rosie O'Donnell. Okay, not somewhat. My fixation was on par with the current preoccupation with Keith Olbermann or Aaron Sorkin... and, no, I'm not a lesbian. It started during the summer of '93 when I saw her interviewed on Arsenio Hall (seriously?!) promoting A League of Their Own and it was all sort-of downhill from there, tumbling into near-stalker-like behavior. However, once her talk show went off-air I sort of lost interest and I actually swung to the complete opposite end of the spectrum: I thought she had cracked up and gone crazy, she certainly drove me crazy. The whole Taboo debacle embarrassed me as a theatre-goer and aspiring producer and I paid little attention to her after that. So, when it was recently decided that Rosie would replace the departed Meredith Viera on "The View" I wasn't interested in watching but then a couple weeks in my curiosity got the better of me. I Tivo'd one episode which quickly turned into a season pass. I rarely watch the whole show, and just tune in for"Hot Topics" and to watch Rosie decimate that idiot, Elisabeth What's-Her-Face, publicly and on an almost daily basis. Occasionally, however, there's cause to stay-tuned for the whole show.

The thing I liked most about Rosie's former daytime talk show was her shameless promotion of Broadway musicals. At least once a week she would feature a live performance from a Broadway show and frequently interviews with its cast. Aside from the Sunday New York Times and Playbill.com it can be difficult for a theatre dork such as myself to get her fill of theatre news through traditional media outlets. At the time her show aired I'd never traveled to New York, nor seen a Broadway production. Her daily show was a way for me to be a voyeur into world of which I so badly wanted to be a part. I may not have seen The Producer's on Broadway, but when I saw Matthew Broderick sing "I Wanna Be a Producer" it was almost life-changing and most certainly life-affirming (not to get too sappy, or anything).

I'm not sure how Rosie's contract with ABC and "The View" is structured, but I'm certain she has some editorial control because since she's been on-air the broadcast has echoed her past program in bringing attention to many current productions playing on Broadway. And, while I think Rosie can be a bit of a loud-mouth and should probably learn when to keep quiet occasionally, when it comes to promoting musical theatre I hope she never shuts up.

Napoleon

2006-10-29T21:02:00.000-07:00

I have a reasonably good sense of humor; I laugh at myself and like it when other people laugh with me, so I figured that when I decided to dress up as Napoleon Dynamite for a Halloween party last night (Sweet!) laughter would abound and I'd be okay with the chuckles directed my way. However, almost as soon as I walked into the party with my size 13 men's black boots, "Vote for Pedro" ringer tee and circa 1976 glasses I was uncomfortable. The "where'd you get that shirt?" comments sent me into a state of perpetual wallflower for the rest of the evening. I was instantly transported back to seventh grade where everything from my curling hair, to my glasses, to the fact that I was chubby were the target of many a bully comment. I wanted to retreat into the corner with a big bowl of Halloween candy. Then I realized that I was an adult, had my own group of friends who like me just the way I am and, not only that but I have a car and a house and that I could just leave whenever I wanted to---so I did. Perhaps the reason I am so in-love with the movie "Napoleon Dynamite" is because it reminds me of my own life, in so many ways. I guess should've taken that into consideration when choosing my costume. Afterall, Halloween is supposed to be fun, not gut-wrenching.

Project

2006-10-27T23:36:00.000-06:00

Because my parents are engineers I tend to think that I can put together anything, hang up anything and tackle any household project with zest and ease. However, this is hardly ever the case. I'm a fairly logical thinker, so I may have an easier time than most at these sorts of tasks, but I struggle...despite my technically-inclined parental units. Afterall, I begged for my D in Physics and I'm a marketer....for theatre, no less! My genetic predispositions, or lack thereof, are a conversation for another time, though.

Hopefully some day soon the college girl in me will die and I will grow up and realize that I don't need to buy particle board furniture that "takes minutes to assemble." But until she does the do-it-yourself furniture row at Target is among my favorite. Since I moved into this house (a year ago this week, if you can believe it!) I've needed another set of bookshelves. The five boxes of remnant books and binders sitting in the front room finally got the best of this evening and being as I'm a cheap-skate who prefers to spend her money on experiences rather than possessions the $29.99 plywood special was just what I had in mind.

I've just spent about an hour and 45 minutes attempting to put together a five shelf "cherry wood" book case and have failed miserably. Somewhere along the way I guess I mixed up a couple parts and now I can't get the pre-drilled holes in the top section to fit together with those in the bottom section. I know it's hard to believe, I mean, the directions are so simple and easy to follow and, afterall, my parents are engineers! I also managed to punch a hole in the side by pushing on a dowel too hard, making it unethical to just repackage and return them--which is what I'd like to do at this point. Tomorrow morning I guess I'll break out the pliers, unscrew everything and start from scratch. I'm guessing that when all is said and done I will have spent probably three to four hours on this and while I'm sure I'll enjoy being de-cluttered I have to wonder: were the loss of time, the hassle and the paper cuts worth the actual hard cost savings of this DIY? No fucking way!

Boo

2006-10-26T21:26:00.000-06:00

Halloween is a dangerous time of year for me. I LOVE candy and walking into every store and finding an infinite sea of candy and knowing that I have access to a line of credit is bad news for me. As a child after Halloween I would bargain with my siblings for the "good" candy and even after I'd eaten my way through the Snickers and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and was stuck with Tootsie Rolls and Butterscotch Discs I'd eat them anyway, because sugar is goodness. Now I have a reasonably good-paying job and a car that can carry me to Target on a moment's notice. I can buy up all the White Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups and Bottle Caps that my heart desires, though my ass doesn't appreciate it.

Tonight I had a craving for some of these aforementioned white chocolate treats and though I feared the streets were getting icy after our storm last night, I had a few other things I could stand to pick up, so I ventured out. I was searching for the bite sized peanut butter cups, not the standard snack size that are generally handed out to the kiddos on Halloween night. The texture of the little ones is different. Better. And aside from that, I like to wrap up all the foil wrappers into one giant ball of foil. Call it a quirk, but tonight the snack-sized wouldn't do. I walked up and down the three aisles of seasonal candy and didn't find what I was looking for. I even went over to the regular non-Halloween candy aisle and couldn't find them there, either. I was disappointed and thought about the snack-sized, but decided against it; they weren't what I had my heart set on. I was bummed out, but I'll get through it. Somehow I managed to talk myself out of the Vanilla Tootsie Rolls, the Bottle Caps AND the Peanut Butter M&M's, too---I'm still not sure how. I escaped the temptation tonight, but I have to actually buy the candy I will hand out to the hoodlums in my neighborhood this weekend--that will be another challenge entirely; will they still be around on Tuesday evening?

On another ghoulish note: does anyone have any good ideas for a simple yet clever costume? I have a party to attend on Saturday and zero creative ideas. If you come up with something and I decide to do it, I'll buy you the Halloween treat of your choice.

Vote!

2006-10-24T00:59:00.000-06:00

I have strong political beliefs that are based more on fact and consciously formed opinions than on following the crowd, or doing what's popular. I like to think that I'm a fairly well informed girl and have always been fascinated by history, government and, of course politics. Afterall, I announced my intent to be the first female President in fifth grade. 'Nough said.

We have a pretty major, not to mention important, midterm election here in Colorado this year. And the dirty political ads are getting nasty enough that even I'm ready for election season to be over. We're electing a new governor, several new Congress members, and have a ballot of amendments and referred measures a mile long. My blue book arrived in the mail a couple of weeks ago and I'm mildly embarrassed to admit that I've yet to crack mine open. Today I attended a non-partisan presentation on Colorado's ballot issues hosted by volunteer from the League of Women Voters. I was somewhat familiar with all the proposed measures, but I have to admit that there were a handful of the 14 state-wide measures that caught me completely off-guard. The League is known for boiling down the technical politi-speak of the blue book into "normal people terms," making them easier to understand and digest. In addition to this, volunteers study each issue carefully by committee and then take their findings to the state level and issue recommendations based on that research. However, the League never takes a stance on candidates for elected office, at any level. It's always nice to know how and why certain conclusions were reached on all the varying issues and while they don't always influence my final decision, sometimes they help sway me on the tricky stuff.

In addition to gaining insight into all the issues on which we're being asked to have an opinion, I learned a lot about the process of voting today and how elections are conducted and I learned more about the politics behind politics than I'd ever imagined. For example, did you know that when delivering a voting booth to a precinct (or in the case of Denver, a "Vote Center") the delivery truck must be followed and, upon delivery, inspected by a registered member of both political parties? A lot goes in to making sure that our elections are fair and that integrity is not compromised. I have to admit, it gives me great peace of mind.

I will restrain myself from posting on my specific opinions (you probably know what they are anyway) and will leave you this evening (morning?) by simply saying that voting is about more than being a D an R or a U (different from Independent, mind you, too); it's not only your right as an American but your responsibility. No matter who you are, or where you live; no matter what you support or what you oppose; no matter who you vote for, VOTE!

"Bad politicians are sent to Washington by good people who don't vote."--William E. Simon

Saturn

2006-10-18T21:46:00.000-06:00

Lately I've been thinking a lot about myself. Not in an arrogant or pompous way, but in a more of a self-reflective, observational one. I've been thinking a lot about my life: where I am, where I'm going, how I'd like it to change, how I'd like it to stay the same; wondering if I'll get married, have kids, ever live in New York and what will happen with my career. I've been worrying about wrinkles and bags under my eyes, gray hair and even death. I'm worrying and wondering about things that I've rarely even considered before. It's not all-consuming, but it's definitely there, in the fore-front of my mind.

I recently found out that my best friend from seventh grade, my oldest friend in the world, had her first baby, a little girl. This is the tenth person I know who just this year has had a baby. There are babies everywhere. Somehow I managed to avoid the wedding phase of my life, but the baby phase is in full swing, as I've mentioned before. And, while I'm excited about the babies (truly, I am, despite my bitching about it), it's brought up the questions in my own "destiny" even more.

Today at work I mentioned this to a co-worker of mine who said, "how old are you?"
"28 in August" I replied.
"Do you believe in astrology?"
"No." I answered
Then she said, "well, I don't really either, but go back to your desk and look up 'Saturn Return.' It might help you."

Well, I didn't go back to my desk and look it up, I waited until I got home but I'll be damned if it doesn't make a ton of sense! And afterall, Saturn Return has a Wikipedia entry, so it has to be somewhat valid, right? According to the venerable online encyclopedia, Saturn Return is the astrological phenomenon that occurs in a person's life between the ages of 28 and 30. Saturn's revolution around the earth takes approximately 29 years, so at roughly ages 28-30 Saturn has "returned" to the location in which it was when said person was born; it has completed its cycle in the birth chart.

Saturn is symbolically linked with: "time, challenge, fear, doubt, confusion, difficulty, seriousness, heaviness, and hard lessons, among other more positive things such as structure, significance, accomplishment, reflection, power, prestige, maturity, and order." It's because of this that astrologers consider the 30th birthday a major rite of passage, and true entry into adulthood. Saturn Return is a time of endings and new beginnings; "the Saturn Return is every individual's search for the Holy Grail."

I want to stress that despite the fact that I'm a Birkenstock lover, I'm not a granola-eating hippie who lives and dies by the reading of Tarot cards and my daily horoscope. However, after some reading on the subject, I do think that this discovery could explain a lot of why I'm feeling the way I am right now.

Now, what worries me more than anything else? I've only been in this "phase" for two months, according to the calendar, and I have two years left?! Maybe ignorance is bliss.

p.s. I never thought I'd have to worry about footnotes or end notes in a blog post. Please check the links for proper attribution and identification of quotes and references.

300,000,000

2006-10-16T22:49:00.000-06:00

Sorry for excessively posting today, though it might make one of my anonymous commenters happy. :) Apparently blogging is something I am in the mood for.

Tonight, overnight, the population of the United States will be an estimated 300 million for just 11 seconds and then it will keep on growing. This seems absolutely insane to me, does it seem that way to anyone else? If we counted off one person per second it would take 3,472 days--that's nine and a half years! By then who knows what the population will be, essentially we might never stop counting. Sort of boggles your mind, doesn't it?

You can check out the US population clock here. Fascinating.

Mood

2006-10-16T21:51:00.000-06:00

I had several things I was supposed to do tonight, but I figured that since I didn't do much that I was supposed to do during the day, I might as well stick with the trend and ignore my evening obligations, as well. I'm not sure what's going on with me, but somehow I am simply "not in the mood;" I'm not in the mood to eat, not in the mood to hang out with friends, not in the mood to go to the theatre (!!), not in the mood to watch TV, not even in the mood to just sit on my ass. I didn't know what I wanted to do tonight, but I knew none of the above would suffice, so I went to a movie ("The Departed") and while I thought the movie was fantastic--really good--I was fidgeting the whole time: twirling my hair, moving in my seat, searching in my handbag, blowing bubbles with my gum... I couldn't settle down. And now I'm home and it's late enough that I could just go to bed, but, surprise, I'm not in the mood for that either. I don't know what's going on, but I sure hope this phase passes quickly and tomorrow brings a more productive day because this is seriously out of character for me, and I don't like it; not one bit.

Procrastinating

2006-10-16T15:06:00.000-06:00

As much as I like to complain about my job, I actually like it quite a bit. I rarely, rarely wake up in the morning and think about calling in sick, or just simply not going in at all. And, while sometimes it takes me a few minutes to get going, once I'm here I usually make it fun, enjoy my co-workers and get 'er done. However, sometimes there are days that drag on and on: where I'm ready for lunch at 10:30 and am ready to go home at 2:00; where I can't seem to convince myself that anything I have to do is pressing enough to actually do it. Such is today. I have plenty to do. Plenty. There are always shows, always tickets to be sold, and yet, somehow, today I lack any and all motivation to actually work on selling them. I just want to surf around My Space, e-mail friends from high school (found two more over the weekend) and IM with friends who have the day off (you know who you are). It doesn't help that my boss is on vacation and that I probably actually could leave for the day and nobody would even notice--*sigh.* One hour, 56 minutes and counting...

Stray

2006-10-14T19:28:00.000-06:00

Earlier tonight I was sitting in my chair under the window in the living room and I heard a cat meowing. It was a whiny meow, like Linus usually does, but it sounded like it was far away. I got up thinking Linus was just trying to get my attention from the other room and I turned around to see a kitten sitting in the window outside. It was pretty little, so I went outside to check on it. She was a little skittish at first, but then came right up to me and let me pick her up. I brought her some food and water, which she wolfed down in no time flat, which makes me think that she hasn't been home in quite a long time, but she doesn't seem like she's an alley cat, either, I think she really does have a home, but how do I find her owners? I posted an ad on Craigslist, but beyond that I'm not really sure. She has been in my yard for several hours now and she won't leave, unless it's to sleep underneath my car (which makes me nervous), so I think she'll be here for awhile.

I'm guessing she's about 12-14 weeks old and she's awfully cute: a grey and brown tabby with white feet. She has emerald green eyes and is very friendly, but also scared. She loves to be picked up and petted. I've named her "Spook" for now, which seems fitting and I wish I could keep her! Unfortunately, Linus is already mad at me, he won't let me pet him, even, without first hissing his disapproval. And there's simply no way I can have another cat. You know what they say, "two's company..."

Winner

2006-10-11T22:16:00.000-06:00

P.S. I won Dave's contest, but I think he threw it to me. :)

Avatar

2006-10-11T21:25:00.000-06:00

My friend, Dave, decided to hold a contest (promoted via his website) to see which of his readers could build an avatar that most accurately depicts him. I was rather bored the other night and having never before tried to build an avatar, I decided to give it a whirl. My stab at this task is posted on Dave's site (just follow the link), though I'm still not sure if I'm the lucky winner of the Starbucks card (who won, Dave?!).

I sort of got into this avatar thing so I decided to try to create one for myself. They don't have any options that accurately depict my hair, this seems to be the closest. I'm also a bit disappointed in the selection of apparel for the "plus sized" avatar. I don't really consider myself to be "plus sized," but these normal avatars are super-skinny! I'm an unabashedly chubby girl, which I think is fairly represented in this pic.

Anyhow, creating your own avatar is easy and a fun way to waste time. Just hit up http://avatars.yahoo.com and create a Yahoo! username, log in and you're off to the races. Be sure to share once you've recreated yourself as an animated being.

Socks

2006-10-10T22:07:00.000-06:00

Why are socks so expensive? I mean, seriously. They're covering a relatively small portion of your body and yet one pair of socks costs upwards of $10! Sure, cheaper socks are out there to be had, but they also have to be replaced with more frequency, so in the long-run more expensive socks are better. Because of the recent change in the weather I was forced to pull out real, non-athletic socks today, for the first time this season, and I realized that I was in desperate need of a new winter stock of socks. In my search for some cute, funky, coordinating socks I learned the true expense of fancy footwear.

Festive

2006-10-09T20:24:00.000-06:00

In a past life I was responsible for staffing the DCPA booth at the many festivals that take place throughout the city. I didn't realize how much I despised said responsibility until it was no longer mine. My predecessor in this task despised it as well. I now understand her elation in pawning it off on someone else.

The Denver Art Museum held the grand opening for its new building on Saturday and in celebration it was decided that the museum would stay open for 35 hours straight: from 10 AM on Saturday through 9 PM on Sunday. There was entertainment and family activities on the plaza throughout the event. The Museum asked us to host a booth with activities for kids and families from 10-5 both days. Given that attendance estimates were 35--40,000 we decided it was a good idea to participate. I'm not sure how, but somehow this booth became my responsibility. From supplies and staffing to loading and set-up it all fell to me. I won't go into too many details of the weekend, but sufficed to say: I still hate festivals. I don't like being outside to begin with so putting me outside early in the morning, with volunteers, hundreds of children, free loaders and no restroom is enough to send me to the brink of insanity.

To top it all off, Sunday was Denver's Race for the Cure--the largest in the nation. I happen to live on the race route so in order to get downtown to the art museum I had to go out of my way just to get where I was trying to go. At some point on the drive my car started acting funny, it wasn't bad enough that I felt like I needed to pull over and it got better for a minute so I proceeded to hop on 6th Ave. and hit a top speed of at least 60 before I realized that there was something very wrong. I managed to get off the highway and pulled over to see that my right rear tire was shredded; no kidding. I'm embarrassed to admit that I didn't even notice it--aside from the car shaking. The real amusement of the morning was watching me try to remember back to driver's ed on how to change a tire. I managed to get the car jacked up, but couldn't get the lug nuts off. An onlooker took pity on me and helped to get the spare on. Thank God for good samaritans. Now, if only someone could've done something about the $150 pricetag that comes with a new tire.

Tired

2006-10-08T20:01:00.000-06:00

I have oh so much on which to update and lack any sort of energy to do it effectively. I'm sure that by tomorrow it will all seem irrelevant and I'll again be at a loss for words, but I'm going to have to take that risk as it's 8:01 and therefore, time for me to go to sleep.

Disapproved

2006-10-06T20:35:00.000-06:00

I have an issue with sweat. And, no, it's not from an obsession with working-out (do you know me?!). In the summer it's bad and when I'm nervous it's REALLY bad. I have pitted out more shirts than a construction worker paving an interstate in August, from the comfort of my air conditioned office. My left pit is particularly bad, I notice it almost immediately after getting dressed in the morning. Sweat. Reapplication of deodorant by noon has become a necessity. As has the frequent replenishment of white t-shirts; I can get about three days' worth of wear before the yellow pit stains are prominent enough that they become banished to the rag pile. Thank God for the 2 for $10 sales at Old Navy.

I've yet to find a deodorant that can stand-up to my sweaty, stinky, sticky arm pit situation. I'm constantly trying out the latest and greatest trends in anti-perspirant and they rarely live up to they hype. I've tried roll-ons, solids, gels and sprays. I even ventured over to the men's section, thinking that surely they'd do the trick. I was wrong. Not only do I always still feel like I smell after just a few hours and have ring around the armpit, but I get the deodorant goop build-up that is oh, so pleasant; particularly when wearing certain types of tops or dresses.

I recently came across a sample of the new Degree Ultra Clear that is "100% little black dress approved" and it seems to work better than most of the craptastic stuff I've come across recently so I bought a full-size and have been using it for about a week. Part of the claim to fame of this product is that it goes on clear and dries clear--no clumpy mess that leaves white residue on black clothes. A selling point for me, since I seem to have about three layers of the stuff on by the end of the day.

Last night I went to the opening night "gala" for Amadeus (yeah, I went by myself for those of you who are wondering). The attire was cocktail, perfect for the "little black dress." Alas, I don't have one that fits plus I still have a wicked bruise from where I hit the pavement in my "clicky" shoes a couple weeks ago, so I reinstated the reunion ensem: a black top with periwinkle polka dots and black slacks. The top has capped sleeves, which I love, because they offer coverage of my upper arms, which I despise, but don't make me look more matronlike than I already do. Anyhow, the point is this: I showered and got dressed around 4:00 was at the theatre by 5:30 and by the 6:30 curtain could already feel the sweat welling. I knew the goop had to be getting bad, so I fought the urge to fix my hair or wave to people across the lobby. I kept my arms at my side, waiting to get to the bathroom to sop up the mess and maybe even reapply.

At intermission, on my way to the bathrooms, I ran into a colleague in the lobby whom I haven't seen in awhile and put my arm around her in a playful hug. When I backed off, I noticed it. My "little black dress approved" deodorant is apparently "padded shoulder black suit jacket" DISapproved, because the goop wound up on the shoulder of my friend. I seemed to be the only one who noticed it or realized what it was, but it was quite possibly the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me....well, at least this week. Unless you count the retelling of the story on the Internet for public amusement. :/ Please keep it to yourself.